


Group Chat 78

by SushiFridays



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: 12 year old edge lord atheists are quaking, AW MAN, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), And so do I, Chickie fingies, Creeper, Fluff and Angst, Foreshadowing, Its a mystery, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Scooby Doo References, a young boy, but really who isnt, but shes kool, byakuya is a fnaf stan change my mind, celeste is a lightweight, celeste is not french ya dumb bimbo, chihiro is angry and rightfully so, chihiro is v excited for kiibo, discussions of the 79th class, do robots have dicks?, gas leak, hajimes hell hole, hifumi being a doormat, hifumi cant eat cheese, hifumi needs to take control of the minecraft server, hina's a snitch, hiro being a clairvoyant, hiro being a good person and checking on people, hiro likes korks hair, hiro was right for once, how do long haired girls live with long hair, i dont know how to make tags please help me, i dont know how to write komaru, i mean lets be real kork his gorgeous, im taking some creative liberties with class 79, in this house we are all horny, ive never played UDG, junko causes trouble, junko is nosy af, junko is thirsty for rantaro, junko jumping to conclusions like jesus calm down queen, kyoko is a boss bitch, kyoko is fucking over everything, kyoko is the star never forget that, lactose intolerant hifumi, ladies spilling tea, leon has a+ memes, leon's a doodie head, makoto is the next lil orphan annie, makoto slept for 13 hours jesus christ he needs to fix his sleep schedule, mentions of the 77th class, mentions of the 79th class, mondo is all about acceptance, more plot to come later, mukuro is valid please support her, mukuro stans air conditioning, nipple piercings looks painful and theyre scary, props if you have them, relationships will be tagged as the story progresses, rightfully so, shes also drunk, soda fucks up, taka being a good tutor yay, taka being taka, taka is pure, the 77th class gets roasted, the athletes need a nap, the infamous g note, these kids are meme machines, these kids are starting a church, toko being toko, very drunk, we got fnaf kinnies, we got minecraft kinnies, we got only one spongebob kinnie, we got sonic kinnies, what if it was PURPLE, when i was
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2020-02-28 05:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18749509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SushiFridays/pseuds/SushiFridays
Summary: Makoto decides to make a group chat so that his class can get closer with each other.





	1. Kirigiri has all the power

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first fic! I'm new to this whole posting fics thing, so any comments, feedback, criticism, suggestions, etc. is welcome! Thanks for reading :) 
> 
> (((also if you have any tips on formatting PLEASE let me know)))

**HPA Class 78**

**_Makoto Naegi has created a group chat at 5:02pm_**  
**_Makoto Naegi has added Aoi Asahina, Byakuya Togami, +13 others to the chat_**

 **Makoto Naegi** : :) 

**Mondo Owada** : what the fuck is this shit 

**Makoto Naegi** : and the regret starts…

 **Kiyotaka Ishimaru** : Owada! Please do not be rude to Naegi! 

**Mondo Owada** : why the group chat?  
We see eachother every day

 **Makoto Naegi** : I mean yea  
But like  
We don’t really like  
Ya know  
Talk to each other outside of class??

 **Yasuhiro Hagakure** : yo hes on to somethin here. 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru** : I see! This group chat is a way for us to bond! What an excellent idea, Naegi! 

**Makoto Naegi** : :D 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru** : We should figure out a way for everyone to participate in this chat as soon as possible! 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure** : b e t  
_@everyone_

 **Byakuya Togami** : I suppose participating in this nonsense is inevitable 

**Aoi Asahina** : sorry guys! At a swim practice! I’ll get back soon! 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru** : Apologies, Asahina! Please take your time! 

**Chihiro Fujisaki** : Hi everyone! :) 

**Sakura Ogami** : Good afternoon

 **Sayaka Maizono** : Hi! 

**Kyoko Kirigiri** : Hello 

**Leon Kuwata** : sup guys 

**Hifumi Yamada** : Methinks this will be interesting 

**Junko Enoshima** : oh shit worm? 

**Mukuro Ikusaba** : oh, hi 

**Toko Fukawa** : Why?

 **Taeko Yasuhiro** : For once I agree with her

 **Yasuhiro Hagakure** : wait

 **Toko Fukawa** : wait 

**Makoto Naegi** : wait 

**Chihiro Fujisaki** : wait 

**Sakura Ogami** : wait 

**Hifumi Yamada** : wait 

**Mondo Owada** : wait 

**Sayaka Maizono** : wait

 **Byakuya Togami** : wait

 **Kiyotaka Ishimaru** : wait 

**Leon Kuwata** : wait 

**Junko Enoshima** : wait

 **Mukuro Ikusaba** : wait 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure** : I’m gonna say it  
W h o m s t ?

 **Makoto Naegi** : I know I added everyone from 78 but  
Did my handbook make an oopsie??  
Are you from next years 79th class or something?

 **Taeko Yasuhiro** : Oh  
Well  
This is awkward. 

**Makoto Naegi** : ?? 

**Kyoko Kirigiri** : It's almost humorous how oblivious you all are.  
Allow me. 

**_Kyoko Kirigiri changed Taeko Yasuhiro’s name to Celestia Ludenberg_ **

**Mondo Owada** : E x p o s e d 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure** : name twins! :D 

**Celestia Ludenberg** : Gross. 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure** : D: 

**Leon Kuwata** : wait im still confused?? Why was it..

 **Celestia Ludenberg** : It is the name on my handbook. 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru** : That makes sense

 **Kyoko Kirigiri** : Another Mystery Solved™

 **Makoto Naegi** : ASDFGHJKL

 **Chihiro Fujisaki** : I could’ve hacked into that bb and changed it for you 

**Leon Kuwata** : Kyoko used the ™ and Chihiro said bb  
Life is complete 

**Celestia Ludenberg** : I appreciate your offer Chihiro

 **Hifumi Yamada** : I don’t understand? Taeko is a very nice name

 **Celestia Ludenberg** : s i l e n c e  
I do not want to explain it further 

**Byakuya Togami** : Anyways  
Tell me, Naegi  
Why did you make this abomination? 

**Makoto Naegi** : so that we can all get to know each other better!  
It’s almost the end of the first semester and we hardly know each other!

 **Byakuya Togami** : and I am fine with that 

**Makoto Naegi** : :( 

**Sayaka Maizono** : okay actually how DARE you make the egg boy sad 

**Leon Kuwata** : EGG BOY!

 **Yasuhiro Hagakure** : EGG BOY! 

**Makoto Naegi** : EGG BOY??? 

**Kyoko Kirigiri** : y'all mind if I...

**_Kyoko Kirigiri changed Makoto Naegi’s name to Egg Boy_ **

**Egg Boy** : wo w  
This joke totally isn’t overused  
Nor is it unoriginal  
Hardy har har 

**Sakura Ogami** : Kyoko I have a question 

**Kyoko Kirigiri** : yes? 

**Sakura Ogami** : how are you able to change usernames? 

**Chihiro Fujisaki** : oh yea  
You’re not a Pro Hacker™ so how DO you do that? 

**Kyoko Kirigiri** : first of all…

**_Kyoko Kirigiri changed Chihiro Fujisaki’s name to Pro Hacker™_ **

**Pro Hacker™** : oh yes 

**Kyoko Kirigiri** : Second…  
Perks of being the headmaster’s daughter 

**Junko Enoshima** : you have too much power  
It should be  
M I N E 

**Kyoko Kirigiri** : no. 

**Sayaka Maizono** : go off sis

 **Yasuhiro Hagakure** : please dont give her power  
Shes scary 

**Junko Enoshima** : ;)

 **Yasuhiro Hagakure** : nooooooooo  
Scary woman  
Go away scary woman 

**Junko Enoshima** : yaknow what I just may actually leave if this group chat doesn’t go anywhere 

**Leon Kuwata** : ohhhhhhh burn 

**Egg Boy** : :( 

**Sayaka Maizono** : >:( 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure** : more scary ladys!!!

 **Toko Fukawa** : your grammar is making me heave 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure** : :( 

**Leon Kuwata** : Actually  
YOURE wrong  
Ms. u l t i m a t e w r i t e r 

**Toko Fukawa** : ????  
How??? 

**Leon Kuwata** : it SHOULD be…  
One’s grammar should make another heave 

**Egg Boy** : OH MY GOD 

**Junko Enoshima** : he just did that 

**Pro Hacker™** : *cue_air-horns* 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru** : Chihiro…  
How did you do that? 

**Pro Hacker™** : look @ my username 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru** : I see…

 **Toko Fukawa** : that was so unnecessarily loud 

**Byakuya Togami** : wow. She said something of relevance for once 

**Toko Fukawa** : :) 

**Aoi Asahina** : toko honey i don’t think that was a compliment 

**Toko Fukawa** : let me have this 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru** : Asahina! Welcome back! How was practice? 

**Aoi Asahina** : it went pretty well :) but im hungry now. _@Sakura Ogami_ do you wanna get food? 

**Sakura Ogami** : I would love to 

**Aoi Asahina** : yay! Wanna go to the burger place around the corner? 

**Sakura Ogami** : whatever you’d like 

**Aoi Asahina** : I’ll be down there in like 30 minutes

 **Sakura Ogami** : I’m going to start heading over. Take your time. The walk from HPA to that place takes a bit of time 

**Aoi Asahina** : okie dokie! 

**Egg Boy** : pure  
Pure women 

**Junko Enoshima** : not the word I would use but go off sis 

**Egg Boy** : how else would you describe that pureness? 

**Junko Enoshima** : ;) 

**Egg Boy** : stop that


	2. Leon makes a big mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username Guide!
> 
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy   
> Sayaka Maizono -   
> Mukuro Ikusaba -   
> Leon Kuwata -   
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™   
> Mondo Owada -   
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru -   
> Hifumi Yamada -   
> Celestia Ludenberg -   
> Sakura Ogami -   
> Junko Enoshima -   
> Aoi Asahina -   
> Yasuhiro Hagakure -   
> Toko Fukawa -   
> Byakuya Togami -   
> Kyoko Kirigiri -

**HPA Class 78  
3:30pm**

**Mondo Owada:** math  
Whats it good for 

**Leon Kuwata:** absolutely nothing 

**Mondo Owada:** absolutely nothing  
:O 

**Leon Kuwata:** *boom* 

**Pro Hacker™:** *cue_boom-effect*

 **Mondo Owada:** :O 

**Leon Kuwata:** wait i wanna  
*cue_boom-effect*  
It didnt work  
:( 

**Pro Hacker™:** silly simpleton  
You cant make boom boom sound  
Only I 

**Hifumi Yamada:** all shall bow before the ultimate lord  
Ms. Chihiro Fujisaki 

**Pro Hacker™ :** ah yes  
It is I  
The frenchiest fry 

**Aoi Asahina:** i just chortled in the library.  
Thanks guys  
Im being gawked at 

**Pro Hacker™:** :) 

**Mondo Owada:** wait hina youre in the library? 

**Aoi Asahina:** E 

**Mondo Owada:** im sitting with you  
Here i come  
Where are you

 **Aoi Asahina:** alllllllllllll the way in the back 

**Leon Kuwata:** Mondo...in the library?  
THIS IS IT  
EVERYONE GET TO THE SHELTERS 

**Mondo Owada:** dude stfu im tryna get my math shit together 

**Aoi Asahina:** idk why youre comin to me lmao i suck at math  
I can barely multiply 

**Pro Hacker™:** is this about the exam? 

**Mondo Owada:** y e s  
I need to get a decent grade on this 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Asahina and Owada! I would be very glad to help you prepare for the exam! 

**Aoi Asahina:** aww thanks taka :) that’d be great! 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Of course!  
Owada, would you like some assistance, as well? 

**Mondo Owada:** nah im alright 

**Aoi Asahina:** you were literally just saying that you needed help tho 

**Mondo Owada:** I’m figuring it out 

**Aoi Asahina:** the rest of you cant see but im sitting right next to his boy and hes confused  
It’s okay to ask for help ya know 

**Mondo Owada:** fuck that i can just do it by myself 

**Leon Kuwata:** that isn’t verry Gucci of you bro 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Owada, I have no problem assisting you! 

**Pro Hacker™:** doitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoit

 **Mondo Owada:** okay fine 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Excellent! I will be at the library very soon! 

___

**5:00pm**

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** I am  
This close  
| |  
See how close that is???  
THAT CLOSE  
To flipping shit 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** woah  
What happened?? 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** wanna explain  
L e o n ? 

**Egg Boy:** dude what did you do? 

**Leon Kuwata:** I AM INNOCNET 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** I witnessed everything  
He is a bitch 

**Leon Kuwata:** I COULDNT CONROL IT

 **Byakuya Togami:** Stop sputtering like an out of battery lawn mower and make your case 

**Leon Kuwata:** I DONT HAVE TO JUSTIFY SHIT  
IT WAS IMPULSE 

**Egg Boy:** DEAR GOD WHAT DID YOU DO 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Allow me  
We are in the cafeteria  
For dinner  
Stay with me  
Leon is drinking a milkshake  
He picks up his phone  
As he’s drinking  
And proceeds to spit the milkshake all over Kyoko

 **Yasuhiro Hagakure:** BROOOOOOO NO YOU FUCKING DIDNT 

**Egg Boy:** jesus christ leon what did you see? 

**Leon Kuwata:** https://puyopuyo.tumblr.com/post/184436710678/so-yes-head 

**Egg Boy:** IM CACKLING 

**Byakuya Togami:** It is almost frightening how simple your sense of humor is 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** you soaked me with saliva milk  
FOR THAT 

**Leon Kuwata:** …..  
:) 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** >:( 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** You truly lack impulse control, Leon 

**Hifumi Yamada:** he truly does 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Like you have any right to make such a statement for anyone else 

**Hifumi Yamada:** :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! 
> 
> I tried to edit the link Leon sent so that it would say "Bro Look At This Meme" and when ya clicky click it sends you to the post but I couldn't figure out how to do that ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	3. Jesus Christ, Toko

**HPA Class 78  
11:23AM**

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** ah yis  
The heavenly day is upon us  
Ladies and gentlemen  
It is  
S a t u r d a y 

**Pro Hacker™:** WOOOOOOOOO

 **Yasuhiro Hagakure:** _@everyone_ anyone got plans this weekend?  
Im one bored boy  
Please someone come to my house 

**Egg Boy:** the fam is gonna go the le park later today 

**Sayaka Maizono:** thats so cute om g  
Family goals  
I have  
R e h e r s a l 

**Sakura Ogami:** I also have prior commitments for this weekend 

**Leon Kuwata:** eh i can ditch a practice 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** please do not ditch your baseball practice 

**Leon Kuwata:** ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ 

**Kyoko Kirigiri: please stop**

**Leon Kuwata:** ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ  
How do i make them bigger 

**Pro Hacker™:** you will never know  
Only I  


**Byakuya Togami:** Jesus 

**Mondo Owada:** that’s our girl 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** anyone else coming? _@everyone_

 **Aoi Asahina:** I can come :) 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** as long as Leon doesn’t spit milk all over me again I’ll come too

 **Leon Kuwata:** thats the spirit 

**Pro Hacker™:** I can go too :) 

**Hifumi Yamada:** I believe I can make some time 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** no 

**Toko Fukawa:** hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 **Egg Boy:** …?  
You okay over there? 

**Toko Fukawa:** Togami kept me up alllllllllllllll night last night  
I gotta catch my breath  
Yaknow what im sayin ;) 

**Leon Kuwata:** …  
OH? 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** OH?

 **Hifumi Yamada:** OH?

 **Egg Boy:** _@Byakuya Togami @Byakuya Togami @Byakuya Togami_

**Byakuya Togami:** oh dear god 

**Aoi Asahina:** no way  
No diddly darn way 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Jesus take the wheel 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** I don’t want to know but I feel inclined to ask  
What happened 

**Toko Fukawa:** I dont wanna kiss n tell but  
;) 

**Leon Kuwata:** A H H H H _@Byakuya Togami @Byakuya Togami @Byakuya Togami @Byakuya Togami @Byakuya Togami @Byakuya Togami @Byakuya Togami_

**Byakuya Togami:** She is misleading you 

**Toko Fukawa:** I wonder about that sugar lips~ 

**Sayaka Maizono:** EW 

**Byakuya Togami:** She is spouting nonsense 

**Toko Fukawa:** nonsense???? Wow im hurt honey bun  
What was last night then?  
Just a way to get off a lil steam?  
I cant really blame ya  
To be honest it H A S been a while ;) 

**Byakuya Togami:** Stop that.

 **Aoi Asahina:** EXCUSE ME???? 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** What is she talking about? 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** Here I go 

**_Kyoko Kirigiri has muted Toko Fukawa for 1 hour_ **

**Byakuya Togami:** Thank you, Kyoko.  
I honestly don’t know why she’s trying to persuade you all into thinking something like that. 

**Junko Enoshima:** damn I miss all the fun shit  
:( 

**Hifumi Yamada:** That was  
Interesting 

**Leon Kuwata:** dude what was she even talking about 

****

**Byakuya Togami:** Absolutely nothing  
I don’t know what’s gotten into her 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** we can ask her when she’s unmuted  
Hopefully she’ll be in a better state of mind to answer rationally 

**Byakuya Togami:** I highly doubt that 

**Junko Enoshima:** why was she even spouting that shit in the first place?  
Like  
Why make that up if you guys didnt hook up? 

**Leon Kuwata:** yo she has a point dude 

**Hifumi Yamada:** But Ms. Fukawa doesn’t seem like the type of person to just openly say something like that.  
She’s usually quite resilient to say things to us

 **Kyoko Kirigiri:** Again, we will ask her once she’s unmuted. 

**Byakuya Togami:** I don’t understand why you’re pushing this so much.  
But if you must, I suppose I can’t stop you. 

**Junko Enoshima:** dude  
Its not a big deal  
Just say if it happened 

**Byakuya Togami:** We did not. 

**Junko Enoshima:** okay  
That’s all 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** wait

 **Junko Enoshima:** what? 

**_Kyoko Kirigiri has changed Leon Kuwata’s name to Saliva Milk_ **

**Saliva Milk:** great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username Guide! 
> 
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy   
> Sayaka Maizono -   
> Mukuro Ikusaba -   
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk   
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™   
> Mondo Owada -   
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru -   
> Hifumi Yamada -   
> Celestia Ludenberg -   
> Sakura Ogami -   
> Junko Enoshima -   
> Aoi Asahina -   
> Yasuhiro Hagakure -   
> Toko Fukawa -   
> Byakuya Togami -   
> Kyoko Kirigiri -


	4. Junko Has An Idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username Guide! 
> 
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy  
> Sayaka Maizono -  
> Mukuro Ikusaba -  
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk  
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™  
> Mondo Owada -  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru -  
> Hifumi Yamada -  
> Celestia Ludenberg -  
> Sakura Ogami -  
> Junko Enoshima -  
> Aoi Asahina -  
> Yasuhiro Hagakure -  
> Toko Fukawa -  
> Byakuya Togami -  
> Kyoko Kirigiri -

**HPA Class 78  
2:02PM**

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** _@Aoi Asahina @Mondo Owada_ How are you two feeling about the exam tomorrow?

 **Aoi Asahina:** im actually feeling pretty confident :) 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Wonderful! 

**Mondo Owada:** i think im alright 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Are you sure? If you’re still not too confident I have no issue with helping you today! 

**Mondo Owada:** eh

 **Aoi Asahina:** Mondo  
Take the help 

**Mondo Owada:** alright  
You can come over today

 **Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Excellent! I can be there in an hour! 

**__**

**_Junko Enoshima has created a group chat at 4:45pm  
Junko Enoshima has added Aoi Asahina, Byakuya Togami, and 11 others to the chat _**

**_Junko Enoshima has named the chat "Operation: Let's Get This Gay"_ **

**  
**

**Junko Enoshima:** so here’s the deal kids  
I can sense it in the air  
Mondo and Taka are gonna date  
I can f e e l it

 **Kyoko Kirigiri:** ….  
Junko  
I hate to break it to you  
But neither of them are gay 

**Hifumi Yamada:** I’m sorry Ms. Kirigiri but  
Ms. Enoshima raises an intriguing proposition 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** …..no? 

**Junko Enoshima:** maybe they just haven’t come out yet  
Or realized it  
*gasp*  
I can feel the tension from here omg  
Please tell me someone else agrees with me

 **Hifumi Yamada:** I do! 

**Junko Enoshima:** Please tell me someone else agrees with me 

**Hifumi Yamada:** :( 

**Leon Kuwata:** I can see it happening 

**Sayaka Maizono:** oh I can sense it too

 **Aoi Asahina:** wait no  
No??  
Are you guys like  
Insane? 

**Byakuya Togami:** How is this even a debate? Kyoko is right. Neither of them are gay

 **Chihiro Fujisaki:** F̶̨̭͛̊͝ͅỎ̷̰̩̈́̂͂̅̽Ǫ̷͕̎̇̌̄͘L̸͕͕͉̱̎̅̿S̸̹̺̱͔̖̠̐̑

 **Byakuya Togami:** Jesus Christ 

**Chihiro Fujisaki:** can you NOT sense the gay??  
I feel it  
Come on team  
Lets show some spirit  
Who else hasn’t said anything?  
_@Mukuro Ikusaba @Makoto Naegi @Toko Fukawa @Sakura Ogami @Celestia Ludenberg @Yasuhiro Hagakure_

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** the spirits are telling me…..  
No 

**Hifumi Yamada:** okay but you’re only right 30% of the time

 **Yasuhiro Hagakure:** 30% IS A BIG PERCENTAGE 

**Sakura Ogami:** I have to disagree with you, Hiro

 **Aoi Asahina:** WAIT REALLY?  
BUT SAKURA  
HOW

 **Sakura Ogami:** I’m not quite sure  
But I can sense the romance  
It is a common trope 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** I cannot believe you would base the likeliness of two people dating off of a trope.  
How shameful 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** exactly 

**Makoto Naegi:** nooooooooooo  
They gonna dateeeeeeeeee  
It’s in the air 

**Junko Enoshima:** lmao we’re literally split  
Only time will tell i guess 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Shall we make a gamble off of it? 

**Junko Enoshima:** no 

**Makoto Naegi:** no 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** no 

**Hifumi Yamada:** no 

**Byakuya Togami:** no 

**Sakura Ogami:** no 

**Aoi Asahina:** no 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** no 

**Chihiro Fujisaki:** no 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** no 

**Sayaka Maizono:** no 

**Leon Kuwata:** no 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Damn. Okay then. Jesus.

 **Kyoko Kirigiri:** do the thing  
You know you want to 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** no 

**Leon Kuwata:** do it 

**Chihiro Fujisaki:** d̵̜̂͌͜ò̵͙̲ ̷̮͕̻͗ḯ̴͎̘t̷͙̺̉ ̶̼͚̱͛̿

 **Celestia Ludenberg:** …  
…  
…  
:( 

**Chihiro Fujisaki:** Ǧ̸͙ ̸̭̹͑ͅŐ̷͚̖ ̴͕̹͛͂O̴̡̩̙̐̃ ̴̹̊̋D̶͉̀ ̸̩̓͜

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Scrum Debate Music*
> 
> I'm gonna try not to add too many additional group chats within this story (my max might be like 3?). But for all group chats that are not the Group Chat 78 chat, the student's usernames will just be their names and not, like, funny ones cuz I don't want it to get too confusing, ya know? 
> 
> Also, the next few chapters are most likely gonna start getting a little longer which I'm very excited to start ((cuz let's be honest these chapters are mad short))


	5. Hifumi please take care of yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username Guide!
> 
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy  
> Sayaka Maizono -  
> Mukuro Ikusaba -  
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk  
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™  
> Mondo Owada -  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru -  
> Hifumi Yamada -  
> Celestia Ludenberg -  
> Sakura Ogami -  
> Junko Enoshima -  
> Aoi Asahina -  
> Yasuhiro Hagakure -  
> Toko Fukawa -  
> Byakuya Togami -  
> Kyoko Kirigiri -

**HPA Class 78  
10:15am**

**Mondo Owada:** I have done it  
The exam  
Is over  
And i feel accomplished 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Amazing! I’m so proud! 

**Mondo Owada:** eh don’t speak too soon  
We wont get the grade back till thursday 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Nonsense, I’m sure you did well!

**Mondo Owada:** if you say so  
I mean your tutoring was really helpful but idk if i did well 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Well I certainly don’t expect for you to jump all the way to an A+ over one test.  
Improvement takes time!  
If you want, I can continue tutoring you. 

**Mondo Owada:** actually id really appriciate that  
Thanks man 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Of course, Owada! I’m happy to help! 

**Aoi Asahina:** I kicked that math tests ASS 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** there are two people in this world  
Good for you Hina 

**Aoi Asahina:** :D 

**Junko Enoshima:** That was the most miserable hour of my life. 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** correction  
3 people 

**Junko Enoshima:** wow  
Woooooow  
Im really THAT person  
Im offended 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** oh  
No  
I didn’t mean it like that 

**Junko Enoshima:** nah im just pullin your leg sis 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** oh  
Okay  
I’m glad you’re not upset. 

**Junko Enoshima:** you worry too much 

**11:04am**

**Hifumi Yamada:** it’s over for me everybody  
Carry on without me  
It’s been a pleasure knowing you all 

**Junko Enoshima:** k bye 

**Sayaka Maizono:** jesus you’re horrible  
what happened? 

**Hifumi Yamada:** I’ve been hit, Ms. Maizono

**Sayaka Maizono:** …  
what???

**Byakuya Togami:** He consumed too much dairy and now he is incapable of moving himself. 

**Hifumi Yamada:** I feel as though I’ve been hit with a bazooka 

**Byakuya Togami:** For heaven's sake will you relax? 

****

**Hifumi Yamada:** How can I when I’ve been hit with a cheese bomb!?! 

**Junko Enoshima:** I thought it was a bazooka 

**Egg Boy:** I’ll take him to Tsumiki  
Someone help me  
_@Sakura Ogami_ please help me  
I can’t move the man by myself  
Help Me Please 

**Sakura Ogami:** I’ll be down from the gym in five minutes

**Egg Boy:** thanks sakura 

**Hifumi Yamada:** Thank you, Ms. Ogami 

**Junko Enoshima:** how much cheese did you even eat to make you that sick?

**Byakuya Togami:** I saw him with a cheeseburger

**Junko Enoshima:** thats it?? 

**Hifumi Yamada:** It was actually a double cheese cheeseburger 

**Junko Enoshima:** oh my god 

**Hifumi Yamada:** With a side of cheese fries 

**Junko Enoshima:** Oh My God. 

**Hifumi Yamada:** And

**Junko Enoshima:** THERES MORE???

**Hifumi Yamada:**...A  
Banana fudge milkshake

**Junko Enoshima:** E W  
THAT IS  
VILE

**Sayaka Maizono:** aren’t you lactose intolerant????

**Junko Enoshima:** ya know what im starting to notice a pattern with milkshakes in this group..

**Egg Boy:** I dont even think a person WITH tolerance to lactose could handle all of that 

****

**Hifumi Yamada:** Listen to me Mr. Naegi I’ve avoided the cheese pains for a very long time I think I deserved a little treat. 

**Egg Boy:** L I T T L E ? 

**Hifumi Yamada:** I will admit  
That I may have overdone it

**Egg Boy:** M A Y H A V E ? 

**Hifumi Yamada:** I overdid it. 

**Egg Boy:** YA SURE DID BUDDY  
OH MY GOD  
_@Sakura Ogami_ PLESE GET HERE ASAP THIS MAN IS GONNA DIE 

**Junko Enoshima:** let him die 

**Sakura Ogami:** I am on my way 

**Junko Enoshima:** poop 

**3:15pm**

**Toko Fukawa:** So much happened today 

**Pro Hacker™:** you could say that again 

**Toko Fukawa:** So much happened today 

**Pro Hacker™:** you could say that again 

**Toko Fukawa:** So much happened today 

**Pro Hacker™:** you could say that again 

**Toko Fukawa:** okay no more 

**Pro Hacker™:** fair enough 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** Ah Toko. Good to see you back  
We wanted to ask you something about the other day 

**Toko Fukawa:** define “we”

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** _@everyone_

**Toko Fukawa:** Jesus 

**Saliva Milk:** oh is this the long awaited tea????

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** oh right  
I forgot about that 

**Aoi Asahina:** i sure didnt  
That was a lot to take in 

**Toko Fukawa:** ??????  
What the hell are you guys talking about? 

**Mondo Owada:** you were sayin some…  
I n t e r e s t i n g  
Things  
The other day 

**Toko Fukawa:** What did I say?  
I barely speak in this stupid chat 

**Byakuya Togami:** Dear lord are we actually going back to this discussion? 

**Sakura Ogami:** It will help to clear things up

**Saliva Milk:** also its juicy af 

**Egg Boy:** thats one way to put it 

**Toko Fukawa:** What are you all talking about??

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** You mean you don’t remember?

**Byakuya Togami:** This is ridiculous

**Saliva Milk:** quiet sheeee!!!!! 

**Toko Fukawa:** Ok I get that you’re a detective and everything but I don’t need all these unnecessary hints just spit it out 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** For the sake of being blunt  
A few days ago you were talking about how “Togami kept you up all night”  
And you didn’t want to “kiss and tell”  
You said that “it had been a while”  
Amongst other things  
We just wanted clarification 

**Toko Fukawa:** OH  
Oh  
Umm  
I did? 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** oh boy im here and im not ready 

**Junko Enoshima:** I sensed tension and came as fast as i could 

**Sayaka Maizono:** no pressure toko  
We just want answers 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Just spit it out Fukawa 

**Byakuya Togami:** There is nothing for her to spit out.  
Nothing happened  
She was just spouting nonsense 

**Toko Fukawa:** Exactly 

**Junko Enoshima:** i dont buy it 

**Saliva Milk:** neither do i

**Byakuya Togami:** Since when does anyone listen to what you two have to say?

**Saliva Milk:** WOW  
HURTFUL 

**Toko Fukawa:** Like anyone cares

**Junko Enoshima:** wow we put her in the hot seat for 5 seconds and she turns into a bitch  
real professional 

**Toko Fukawa:** Look I was probably just out of it the other day and just spitting out random stuff  
It meant nothing  
Nothing happened  
So it’s fine 

**Junko Enoshima:** if you say so 

**Saliva Milk:** i still think its suspicious… 

**Egg Boy:** I mean...

**Byakuya Togami:** Must we really push this any further?  
The girl stated her answer  
It’s over 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** Alright then  
It’s settled 

**Saliva Milk:** ((no its not)) 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Shut up Leon 

**Saliva Milk:** D:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long!! I wanted to try to make chapters a lil bit longer but I've been drawing blanks but hopefully it's still entertaining. More tea is coming, kids.


	6. Tea with Sayaka and Sakura

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username Guide! 
> 
> \--Group Chat 78--  
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy  
> Sayaka Maizono -  
> Mukuro Ikusaba -  
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk  
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™  
> Mondo Owada -  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru -  
> Hifumi Yamada -  
> Celestia Ludenberg -  
> Sakura Ogami -  
> Junko Enoshima -  
> Aoi Asahina -  
> Yasuhiro Hagakure -  
> Toko Fukawa -  
> Byakuya Togami -  
> Kyoko Kirigiri - 
> 
> \--Operation: Let's Get This Gay--  
> (Everyone's names are their actual names. No changes will be made in this chat)

**Operation: Let’s Get This Gay  
2:24am**

**Junko Enoshima:** Kowalski, analysis!

**3:00am**

**Junko Enoshima:** you guys suck

 **Yasuhiro Hagakure:** this is ungodly 

**Junko Enoshima:** finally someones up

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** im always up this late 

**Junko Enoshima:** then why didnt you answer me!!??

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** cuz no one else did 

**Junko Enoshima:** you suck 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** :(  
wait why are you messaging us this early? 

**Junko Enoshima:** i wanna see if anyone has any gay updates 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** at 3 in the morning?!!?! 

**Junko Enoshima:** well technically it was 2:24 in the morning but whos counting? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
So do you have anything? 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** junko it’s not gonna happen 

**Junko Enoshima:** says who??? You dont know that 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** the spirits told me so I know it’s right 

**Junko Enoshima:** mhmm just keep telling yourself that  
I swear some shits gonna go down soon 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** hmm 

**Junko Enoshima:** ? 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** i dont know i got a weird chill reading that  
That shits gonna go down 

**Junko Enoshima:** oooooooo  
Spooky  
Are you converting to the gay side? 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** nah  
Im just keepin my guards up  
Idk its 3am and spooky  
Its ghost hour ya know 

**Junko Enoshima:** oh i know  
;) 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** stop doing that!  
It scares me 

**Junko Enoshima:** good 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** im going to bed now 

**Junko Enoshima:** wait no im bored

******3:30am** ** **

****  
**Junko Enoshima:** dammit hiro you suck

**6:15am**

**Aoi Asahina:**  
I wake up to this mess  
what the hell is going on???  


**Makoto Naegi:** oh dear god guys  
Why are you so omnious? 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** Ominous* 

**Makoto Naegi:** -_-  
Thanks 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** Always here to help  
But I don’t understand why this needs to be a thing  
If I’m being honest this feels wrong to be doing 

**Makoto Naegi:** wait why??? 

**Aoi Asahina:** i mean i kinda get what she means  
Like its like we’re intruding 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** I also feel like we’re crossing a line with this whole debate 

**Makoto Naegi:** nonononoonononono  
We’re being wingmen and wingwomen  
We’re helping them get together :) 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** I just feel that something bad is going to come from this 

**Makoto Naegi:** Everything will be fine!  
Worst case scenario, they just stay friends and we end up laughing about it 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** if you say so

******HPA Class 78  
9:02am** ** **

****  
****  


**Sayaka Maizono:** some of yall bout to be real mad at me  
But it must be said 

**Aoi Asahina:** spill the tea 

**Sayaka Maizono:** Soda is annoying 

**Aoi Asahina:** TEAAAAAA  
What happened 

**Sayaka Maizono:** He won’t shut up about Sonia  
Like I get it  
He likes her and all that  
But like  
Oh my god  
Im just trying to have a peaceful study period and hes like  
SONIA PLEASE LOOK AT ME  
LOVE ME  
I LOVE YOU  
YOUR HAIR IS SO PRETTY  
YOUR EYES SPARKLE  
LIKE  
O H M Y G O D 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Sayaka has snapped 

**Sayaka Maizono:** he’s so like  
He gives me a vibe 

**Aoi Asahina:** wdym? 

**Sayaka Maizono:** he’s just so skeevy  
Like he always smells bad 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Tea 

**Sayaka Maizono:** i dont trust a dude that smells bad 

**Aoi Asahina:** facts  
Oh wait 

**Sayaka Maizono:** what’s up? 

**Aoi Asahina:** _@Hifumi Yamada_ how ya holdin up? 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** HA 

**Hifumi Yamada:** I feel suspicious of the fact that you were talking about bad smelling men and then suddenly thought of me  
But I’m feeling better  
Thank you Ms. Asahina 

**Aoi Asahina:** :) 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** my day has been made

******12:45pm** ** **

**Sakura Ogami:** I’m not normally one to complain  


**Egg Boy:** *grabs popcorn*  
*leans in chair* 

**Sakura Ogami:** However  
Owari is too much to handle sometimes 

**Egg Boy:** *falls off chair* 

**Pro Hacker™:** What happened? 

**Sakura Ogami:** She is a very sweet girl  
However she does tend to get way too excited about training  
And when she’s excited, she’s loud  
Very loud  
I’m slowly losing patience 

**Junko Enoshima:** YAAAS SAKURA GO OFF SIS  
LET IT OUT 

**Sakura Ogami:** That’s all 

**Junko Enoshima:** boooo I need more drama  
Someone do something 

**Egg Boy:** like what? 

**Junko Enoshima:** idk man  
Anything to stir up some shit  
Someone push Hanamura down the stairs  


**Egg Boy:** LMAO HANAMURA  
I’VE ONLY MET THE GUY LIKE 3 TIMES AND LEMME TELL YA  
HES SOMETHIN ELSE 

**Junko Enoshima:** P U S H . H I M 

**Egg Boy:** NO 

**Junko Enoshima:** P U S H . H I M 

**Egg Boy:** NO 

**Junko Enoshima:** P U S H . H I M 

**Egg Boy:** NO 

**Junko Enoshima:** P U S H . H I M 

**Egg Boy:** _@Kyoko Kirigiri_ HELP 

******_Kyoko Kirigiri has changed Junko Enoshima’s name to Bad Influence_ ** ** **

**Egg Boy:** WHAT IS THAT GONNA DO 

**Bad Influence:** P U S H . H I M 

**Egg Boy:** BYE 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Title: The 77th class gets a new asshole torn 
> 
> Thanks for reading everybody!! I hope you all enjoyed!


	7. Hina's shocking discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username Guide!!
> 
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy   
> Sayaka Maizono -   
> Mukuro Ikusaba -   
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk   
> Chihiro Fujisaki - Pro Hacker™   
> Mondo Owada -   
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru -   
> Hifumi Yamada -   
> Celestia Ludenberg -   
> Sakura Ogami -   
> Junko Enoshima - Bad Influence  
> Aoi Asahina -   
> Yasuhiro Hagakure -   
> Toko Fukawa -   
> Byakuya Togami -   
> Kyoko Kirigiri -

HPA Class 78  
9:53AM

**Egg Boy:** YAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL  
HOLY SHIIIIIIIIT  
ITS SO SOON  
_@everyone_

**Mondo Owada:** jesus christ makoto whats happening 

**Egg Boy:** YOU DONT KNOW?!  
And you call yourself an ultimate  
FOR SHAME 

**Byakuya Togami:** Relax and spit it out 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** ew 

**Egg Boy:** first of all  
Nice  
Second of all  
_@everyone_ once again  
THE ROSTER FOR THE 79TH CLASS IS BEING RELEASED BY THE END OF THIS WEEK  
AAAAAAAH 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** How exciting! I’m looking forward to seeing who was scouted for the upcoming year! 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** Did they really come in this quickly last year? 

**Toko Fukawa:** Dear god more people in the school 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Oh that’s cool  
Wait Toko there would actually be about the same amount since the seniors are graduating 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** :0 guys she just did something 

**Aoi Asahina:** hiro dont do it 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** no but hear me out 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** Hiro I’m giving you a warning

 **Byakuya Togami:** do you think that will stop him?

 **Yasuhiro Hagakure:** we always see incoming freshman as more people in the school. But really they’re not ‘more people’ since the seniors are leaving. Theyre just replacements. Like its just an endless cycle of removing a whole bunch of people and bringing in new ones but we always feel like there are more people cuz weve never seen them before  
Right??????

**_Kyoko Kirigiri has muted Yasuhiro Hagakure for 1 hour_ **

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** it’s too early for this shit 

**Hifumi Yamada:** Owned 

**Toko Fukawa:** Shut up Hifumi 

**Hifumi Yamada:** do you ever say anything positive? 

**Saliva Milk:** YOOOO HIFUMIS FINALLY GROWING A PAIR  
Good for you man 

**Aoi Asahina:** it wont last long trust me 

**Hifumi Yamada:** and what makes you say that? 

**Aoi Asahina:** the secret weapon  
_@Celestia Ludenberg_

 **Hifumi Yamada:** eep 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Shut  
Up  
Hifumi 

**Hifumi Yamada:** One day  
I just ask for one day of peace  
Thats all 

**Bad Influence:** not gonna happen 

**Egg Boy:** GUYS WERE LOSING FOCUS  
JESUS CHRIST 

**Sakura Ogami:** Is there more to discuss? 

**Pro Hacker™:** was it released yet? 

**Egg Boy:** NO BUT ITS COMING OUT SO SOON  
WEEKEND  
THIS WEEKEND 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** Makoto please calm down 

**Egg Boy:** n o  
I need answers  
I cant wait for the weekend 

**Sayaka Maizono:** Makoto saturday is literally 3 days away 

**Egg Boy:** 72 hours  
72  
FUCKING HOURS  
ITS ONLY WEDNESDAY SAYAKA 

**Saliva Milk:** heh heh  
It is wednesday my doods 

**_Kyoko Kirigiri has muted Saliva Milk for 1 hour_ **

**Mondo Owada:** shes not playin around today 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** Oh I never play around 

**Aoi Asahina:** do i dare say i think its time for a Kyoko name change? 

**Sayaka Maizono:** you’re so right  
Do it 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** I don’t even know how to name myself 

**Bad Influence:** oh oh oh!  
Can i make a suggestion 

**Kyoko Kirigiri:** I’m skeptical but sure 

**Bad Influence:** okay ill DM you

 ** _Kyoko Kirigiri has changed her name to Boss Bitch_**

**Boss Bitch:** I need to get used to this  
It’s very  
Extra 

**Bad Influence:** trust me youll love it 

**Egg Boy:** GUYSSSSSSS

 **Byakuya Togami:** What could you possibly want? 

**Sayaka Maizono:** be nice to makoto you dick 

**_Boss Bitch has changed Sayaka Maizono’s name to Makoto’s Mom_ **

**Makoto’s Mom:** I’ll take it 

**Egg Boy:** oh my god i cannot believe 

**Sakura Ogami:** I have to admit it’s well fitting for her 

**Egg Boy:** gUYS CAN WE PLEASE  
STAY ON TRACK 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** All you had to do was say so 

**Egg Boy:** IVE BEEN TRYING TO VOICE MY VOICE THIS WHOLE TIME 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Don’t raise your voice at me  
It’s very rude 

**Egg Boy:** IM GOING TO HAVE A STROKE 

**Hifumi Yamada:** Should I get Ms. Tsumiki? 

**Egg Boy:** N O  
I JUST WANT TO HAVE A DISCUSSION  
ABOUT THESE PEOPLE 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** oh okay  
What do you want to talk about?  
The roster is coming out in a few days  
So what could we talk about in this moment? 

**Toko Fukawa:** oh she went there 

**Pro Hacker™:** *cue_boom-effect*

 **Mondo Owada:** its back  
But she has a point man  
We dont really have anythin to go off of

 **Egg Boy:** …  
Fuck you guys im going to sleep 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Naegi we are in class 

**Egg Boy:** BED TIME FOR MAKOTO 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Naegi please do not sleep in class! 

**Makoto’s Mom:** he’s not gonna answer anymore lol 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Well we can return to this matter at a later time. Class starts very soon! 

 

**2:18pm**

**Aoi Asahina:** HOLY GUACAMOLE  
_@everyone_ WE HAVE A CRISIS AFOOT 

**Boss Bitch:** What happened?  
Is everything okay? 

**Mondo Owada:** whats goin on??????

 **Yasuhiro Hagakure:** THE SPIRITS WERE RIGHT OH NO OH JESUS WERE ALL GONNA DIE 

**Egg Boy:** Hiro we’re not gonna die 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** OKAY 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Asahina! Please tell us what happened! 

**Aoi Asahina:** ITS _@Byakuya Togami_ AND _@Toko Fukawa_

 **Toko Fukawa:** relax milk jugs its not a big deal 

**Byakuya Togami:** Can we please not do this again 

**Sayaka Maizono:** oh my god is this what I think it is??????

 **Yasuhiro Hagakure:** HAS THE TEA MADE A RETURN???

**Sakura Ogami:** Hina please think rationally 

********

**Aoi Asahina:** HOW CAN I BE THINKING RATIONALLY WHEN I SAW THESE FUCKERS SUCKING FACE IN THE GOD DAMN PARKING LOT 

********

******Saliva Milk:** THEY WERE *WHAT*

 **Bad Influence:** I knew it  
I knew they were fucking lying 

**Boss Bitch:** Another Mystery Solved™ 

**Byakuya Togami:** nothing has been solved  
Not a damn thing  
Why would Hina be trusted with something like this 

**Aoi Asahina:** BECAUSE I LITERALLY SAW YOU TWO  
THEN I SCREAMED  
THEN YOU SCREAMED  
THEN TOKO LAUGHED LIKE A HYENA  
THEN YOU TOLD ME THAT YOUD GIVE ME 50 DOLLARS TO NOT TELL ANYONE  
AND I SAID FUCK NO  
SO FESS UP RICHY RICH  
W H A T S T E A 

**Toko Fukawa:** looks like the cats outta the bag babe  
May as well tell em 

**Egg Boy:** what cat is out of the bag? 

**Mondo Owada:** tell us what???

 **Celestia Ludenberg:** ‘babe’ ? 

**Bad Influence** : you two got some splainin to do 

**Byakuya Togami:** Alright fine  
Since none of you will give us a break about this  
Toko and I are dating 

**Pro Hacker™:** *pretends to be shocked* 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** oh wow  
Thats nice 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** I know as your classmate I’m supposed to feel happy for the two of you but I can’t help but feel uneasy. I apologize 

**Toko Fukawa:** nah no need to worry  
Its not often ya find a couple as sexy as we are 

**Hifumi Yamada:** okay thats too much Ms. Fukawa 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** You two have been dating for how long exactly? 

**Byakuya Togami:** About three months 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** And why have you kept it a secret for so long? 

**Byakuya Togami:** Because my personal life is none of your business and you’d be better off not asking anymore questions

 **Celestia Ludenberg:** Well I would apologize but it seems that I’m the only one that’s doing any initiative  
And I would not talk down to me if I were you

 **Saliva Milk:** Celeste chill out 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Why am I suddenly the bad guy?  
I’m simply asking what you all were going to freak out about for thirty minutes  
I’m just speeding up the process 

**Bad Influence** : you okay girl? 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** Of course I am  
I’m fantastic  
_@Hifumi Yamada_ Make me milk tea 

**Hifumi Yamada:** Umm sure  
Where should I bring it? 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** My dorm room  
Make it quickly 

**Hifumi Yamada:** Yes Ma’am! 

**Bad Influence:** temper much? 

**Boss Bitch:** Another Mystery Solved™ 

**Toko Fukawa:** there ya go toots 

**Egg Boy:** so like  
How did this happen? 

**Toko Fukawa:** well its not that interestin buuuuuuut  
I asked him out  
He said no  
I asked him out again  
He said no  
Kept going on a few times for a few weeks  
Then he finally said yes  
But only if we kept it private  
and the rest is history  
here we are

 **Mondo Owada:** why keep it private? 

**Byakuya Togami:** I simply don’t like having my personal life as open information 

**Sakura Ogami:** That is understandable

 **Aoi Asahina:** look im sorry i freaked out but you were gonna have to say something sooner or later 

**Toko Fukawa:** eh its really no biggie  
Better out than in I always say 

**Byakuya Togami:** I suppose this was inevitable  
But if I can request that you all keep this a secret between our own class 

**Aoi Asahina:** yeah of course 

**Byakuya Togami:** Great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little bit of an abrupt ending but that's cuz the tea is brewing ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hope yall are ready 
> 
> Also: if you guys feel that any character isn't getting enough spotlight or is getting too much spotlight please let me know! I'm trying to space everyone out   
> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!


	8. ((Update))

What's poppin y'all? How's it going? 

I know it's been like 3 weeks since the last chapter and I apologize for the wait but trust me a new one will be out as soon as possible! I have a plan for what's going to happen next, and the next chapter is in the works :) 

As I'm figuring out how I'm gonna pace everything in Group Chat 78, I'm working on a new fic! A one shot! So that'll be out hopefully by the end of this week. 

See y'all soon! Have a great day :)


	9. Mondo teaches everyone a lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username Guide!!  
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy  
> Sayaka Maizono - Makoto’s Mom  
> Mukuro Ikusaba -  
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk  
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™  
> Mondo Owada -  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru -  
> Hifumi Yamada -  
> Celestia Ludenberg -  
> Sakura Ogami -  
> Junko Enoshima - Bad Influence  
> Aoi Asahina -  
> Yasuhiro Hagakure -  
> Toko Fukawa -  
> Byakuya Togami -  
> Kyoko Kirigiri - Boss Bitch

**HPA Class 78  
10:15AM**

**Mondo Owada:** HOLY SHIT _@Kiyotaka Ishimaru_  
DUDE  
IM FREAKIN OUT  
WHAT THE FUCK  
DUDE  
BRO  
BROOOOOO

 **Toko Fukawa:** Taka please answer or he’ll never stop 

**Mondo Owada:** TOKO I AM NOT GONNA LET YOU RUIN MY SPIRIT  
I AM THRIVING RIGHT NOW 

**Boss Bitch:** Would someone care to explain why I just saw Mondo running through the halls repeatedly screaming “holy shit” 

**Mondo Owada:** BECAUSE I AM THRIVING 

**Boss Bitch:** Why are you thriving? 

**Mondo Owada:** _@Kiyotaka Ishimaru @Kiyotaka Ishimaru @Kiyotaka Ishimaru @Kiyotaka Ishimaru_

 **Saliva Milk:** dude holy shit where is taka my phone is blowing up 

**Makoto’s Mom:** mondo shut up 

**Mondo Owada:** YOU SHUT UP SAYAKA IM HAPPY RIGHT NOW  
TAKA PLEASE  
I NEED TO SCREAM  
_@Kiyotaka Ishimaru @Kiyotaka Ishimaru @Kiyotaka Ishimaru_

 **Saliva Milk:** someone please make him stop 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Apologies for my delayed answer!  
What happened? 

**Mondo Owada:** I FUCKING PASSED THE MATH EXAM  
I GOT A B-!!!! 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Congratulations! I knew you would pass! 

**Bad Influence:** really man?  
This is why my phone has been spazzing out  
For a fucking B-?? 

**Mondo Owada:** SHUT IT PIGTAILS  
NO ONE CAN TAKE THIS MOMENT AWAY FROM ME  
I PASSED A MATH EXAM  
THIS IS THE HIGHEST GRADE IVE EVER GOTTEN IN MATH  
I  
AM  
THRIVING 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** I’m so happy for you, Mondo! Great job! 

**Bad Influence:** O_O  
Oh…  
My…  
GOOOOOOOOOOOD  
NO WAY  
NO FUCKING WAY  
OH MY GOD 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** What happened??  
Is everything okay, Enoshima?? 

**Bad Influence:** EVERYTHING IS SO FANTASTIC  
I  
AM  
T H R I V I N G  
_@everyone_  
I WIN  
I WIN  
WAIT WHO AGREED WITH ME  
_@Saliva Milk @Pro Hacker™ @Hifumi Yamada @Makoto’s Mom @Egg Boy @Sakura Ogami_  
WE WIN  
OHHHHH FUCK YES  
WHO ELSE IS WET IN HERE????

 **Egg Boy:** what the mcfrick are you talking about? 

**Bad Influence:** SCROLL UP EGGY 

**Egg Boy:** Oh nice job mondo! 

**Mondo Owada:** THANK YOU 

**Bad Influence:** N O  
LOOK AT WHAT TAKA SAID  
HE CALLED MONDO  
M O N D O  
HE NEVER DOES THAT 

**Makoto’s Mom:** OWO  
YOU ARE SO RIGHT  
DOES THIS MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS

 **Bad Influence:** YES THE FUCK IT DOES 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Wait I am confused  
Was I not aware of something? 

**Bad Influence:** HEY LOSERS  
_@Mukuro Ikusaba @Toko Fukawa @Celestia Ludenberg @Byakuya Togami @Aoi Asahina @Yasuhiro Hagakure @Boss Bitch_  
COME ACCEPT YOUR DEFEAT

 **Aoi Asahina:** I just caught up with this are you fucking kidding me  
Theres no way  
I dont believe it 

**Bad Influence:** YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT BITCH CUZ MY TEAM FUCKIN WON  
THATS THE SHIT THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TEAM UP WITH JUNKO FUCKIN ENOSHIMA 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** nuh uh  
Theres no way  
The spirits told me that it wouldnt happen 

**Bad Influence:** THE SPIRITS WERE FUCKIN WRONG LIKE ALWAYS YA PALM TREE LOOKIN ASS BITCH 

**Yasuhiro Hagakure:** D: 

**_Boss Bitch changed Yasuhiro Hagakure’s name to Always Wrong_**

**Always Wrong:** REAL MATURE KYOKO 

**Pro Hacker ™:** AWWWW YEAAAAAAAAA

 **Mondo Owada:** _@everyone_ CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON  
JUNKO  
ANYONE  
PLEASE

 **Bad Influence:** THE GAY IS IN THE AIR  
DOESNT IT SMELL WONDERFUL

 **Mondo Owada:** ...what????

 **Bad Influence:** TAKA CALLED YOU MONDO  
NOT OWADA  
THAT MEANS YOURE IN LOOOOOVE 

**Aoi Asahina:** Junko stop

 **Bad Influence:** YOURE JUST MAD THAT MY TEAM WON AND NOW IM TREATING THEM ALL TO DINNER LATER  
_@Saliva Milk @Pro Hacker™ @Hifumi Yamada @Makoto’s Mom @Egg Boy @Sakura Ogami_

 **Saliva Milk:** YES MAN I WANT  
C H I C K I E F I N G I E S 

**Bad Influence:** YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE CHICKIE FINGIES YOU WANT 

**Saliva Milk:** :D 

**Hifumi Yamada:** Ah yes. A wonderful platter of chickie fingies 

**Mondo Owada:** wait guys  
Guys guys guys guys  
What the fuck is gong on  
Were not dating 

**Bad Influence:** ….wat?

 **Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** What gave you that impression? 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Oh watch out kids  
I smell a plot twist 

**Bad Influence:** ….WAT? 

**Mondo Owada:** is there somethin we should know about???

 **Boss Bitch:** Allow me to explain  
In a nutshell, Junko was convinced that you and Taka were going to start dating  
So she created a separate group chat confiding in us to see who agreed with her

 **Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** I have to say this is very unexpected

 **Mondo Owada:** you guys were bettin on us??

 **Celestia Ludeberg:** I wanted to make it a bet but everyone said no 

**Mondo Owada:** holy shit  
So like  
Im tryin to process this 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** How long has this been going on?

 **Egg Boy:** like a couple days 

**Mondo Owada:** huh  
Well  
Wait lemme scroll up a second  
_@Mukuro Ikusaba @Toko Fukawa @Celestia Ludenberg @Byakuya Togami @Aoi Asahina @Always Wrong @Boss Bitch_  
You guys win  
*clap clap clap* 

**Toko Fukawa:** Wait what?  
What’s going on?  
Oh yeah this thing 

**Aoi Asahina:** youre not mad?

 **Mondo Owada:** you kiddin me this is fuckin hilarious  
You guys really thought we were dating  
Why?

 **Pro Hacker™:** well mainly because the two of you have been spending so much time together recently  
And it looks like you got really close 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** We did get quite close since I started tutoring him!  
However it’s not in a romantic way. 

**Mondo Owada:** yeah we just like hangin out  
Nothing big  
Did it really look like we were dating???

 **Sakura Ogami:** it did look like there was some spark between the two of you 

**Always Wrong:** I still cant wrap my head around the fact that sakura voted yes 

**Toko Fukawa:** You know what me too 

**Sakura Ogami:** What can I say? I like romance. 

**Aoi Asahina:** you really do its really cute 

**_Boss Bitch changed Sakura Ogami’s name to Biggest Heart_ **

**Aoi Asahina:** C O R R E C T 

**Saliva Milk:** finally  
Some good fucking content 

**Boss Bitch:** Before this goes any further  
Allow me to apologize to you two for everyone assuming your relationship

 **Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** No apologies necessary, Kirigiri! 

**Mondo Owada:** yeah no worries  
Its no biggie 

**Aoi Asahina:** really? 

**Mondo Owada:** yeah you guys thought we might be gay or whatever  
So what?  
I mean id be lyin if i said i never thought about it 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** oh really?

 **Mondo Owada:** I mean yeah  
Ive been able to recognize when a guy is attractive but at first it would always make me think  
SHIT IM GAY  
But thats not always the case tbh

 **Makoto’s Mom:** wise words from mondo 

**Always Wrong:** look at this man bein comfortable in his masculinity  
*clap clap clap*  
_@Pro Hacker™_ do the thing plz

 **Pro Hacker™:** *cue_ applause*

 **Always Wrong:** thank

 **Hifumi Yamada:** how does she do that??

 **Pro Hacker™:** ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ 

**Mondo Owada:** no but in all seriousness  
_@everyone_  
Listen up kids 

**Egg Boy:** oh shit hes serious lads  
_@everyone_ in the chat please 

**Mondo Owada:** everyone questions their sexuality at some point  
Its normal 

**Pro Hacker™:** [*play_Hype-Gospel-Music*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aj6txHkZLs&list=PLr5whWr36dnYv-nBbgpLuik3FebsSdzI7&index=1)  
YES JESUS THATS RIGHT SAY IT AGAIN 

**Mondo Owada:** THERE IS NO SHAME

**Pro Hacker™:** TELL ME MORE 

**Mondo Owada:** IF A MAN FINDS A MAN PRETTY 

**Egg Boy:** THATS RIGHT THATS RIGHT 

**Mondo Owada:** OR A WOMAN FINDS A WOMAN PRETTY 

**Toko Fukawa:** OH MAN 

**Mondo Owada:** NO SHAME AT ALL 

**Always Wrong:** PRAISE JESUS 

**Mondo Owada:** ITS IN HUMAN NATURE 

**Makoto’s Mom:** OH HOLD ME LORD 

**Mondo Owada:** EVERYONE  
IS  
HORNY

 **Celestia Ludenberg:** DEBATABLE 

**Hifumi Yamada:** I BEG TO DIFFER 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** OH MY GOD 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** SILENCE 

**Mondo Owada:** *in a megaphone* N O ! S H A M E !

 **Saliva Milk:** HOLD UP

 **Mondo Owada:** WHATS POPPIN JIMBO  
_@Pro Hacker™_ TURN THE MUSIC OFF

 **Pro Hacker™:** POOP  
*stop_Hype-Gospel-Music* 

**Mondo Owada:** sup? 

**Saliva Milk:** by “everyone”  
You mean like  
Everyone??

 **Mondo Owada:** oh yeah  
And if anyone says no then theyre lying 

**Saliva Milk:** oh  
Good to know 

**Mondo Owada:** like in all seriousness  
Guys are good lookin  
Ill admit it  
In the most manly way possible  
Yallre kyoot

**Egg Boy:** oh my god 

****

****

**Hifumi Yamada:** (blushes and owos) 

**Always Wrong:** *flails around like Kermit the frog* YAAAAAY!! 

**Aoi Asahina:** ya know what ill say it

 **Mondo Owada:** say it

 **Aoi Asahina:** THE LADIES IN THIS SQUAD ARE MAD CUTE

 **Makoto’s Mom:** STOPPPPPP YOURE BEAUTIFUL 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Wow Mondo that was a very nice speech of acceptance! 

**Mondo Owada:** :D 

**Boss Bitch:** I just have a few more quick things to add

 **Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Of course! 

**_Boss Bitch changed Mondo Owada’s name to Pastor Mondo_ **

**_Boss Bitch changed Always Wrong’s name to Was Right This Time_ **

**Pastor Mondo:** THANKS I LOVE IT 

**Was Right This Time:** ME TOO AS WELL

**Bad Influence: **well shit****  
This took an unexpected turn  
But im not mad at it 

********

**Was Right This Time:** why does everything sound so ominous with you???

 **Bad Influence:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Pastor Mondo:** ya know what  
_@eveyone_ let’s go out for chickie fingies tonight  
Youre all coming  
No exceptions 

**Was Right This Time:** *flails around like Kermit the frog, but harder this time* YAAAAAY!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yaaaaaay new chapter!! sorry it took so long, but we're back lads! 
> 
> Also my oneshot is out! its rated E so...yeah its sexy so if ya like that shit (nasty bitch) go check it out :)


	10. Makoto stays up past his bedtime. Naughty Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username Guide!
> 
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy  
> Sayaka Maizono - Makoto’s Mom  
> Mukuro Ikusaba -  
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk  
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™  
> Mondo Owada - Pastor Mondo  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru -  
> Hifumi Yamada -  
> Celestia Ludenberg -  
> Sakura Ogami - Biggest Heart  
> Junko Enoshima - Bad Influence  
> Aoi Asahina -  
> Yasuhiro Hagakure - Was Right This Time  
> Toko Fukawa -  
> Byakuya Togami -  
> Kyoko Kirigiri - Boss Bitch

**HPA Class 78  
12:15PM**

**Egg Boy:** The sun will come out  
Tomorrow  
Bet your bottom dollar  
That tomorrow  
There'll be sun!  
Just thinking about  
Tomorrow  
Clears away the cobwebs,  
And the sorrow  
'Til there's none!  
When I'm stuck in a day  
That's gray,  
And lonely,  
I just stick out my chin  
And Grin,  
And Say,  
Oh  
The sun will come out  
Tomorrow  
So ya gotta hang on  
'Til tomorrow  
Come what may  
Tomorrow!  
Tomorrow!  
I love ya  
Tomorrow!  
You're always a day away  
When I'm stuck in a day  
That's gray,  
And lonely,  
I just stick out my chin  
And Grin,  
And Say,  
Oh  
TOMORROW  
TOMORROW  
I LOVE YA  
TOMORROW  
YOURE ALWAYS  
A DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

**2:02PM**

**Egg Boy:** wow way to share my enthusiasm guys 

**Biggest Heart:** Is this perhaps about the 79th class roster?

 **Egg Boy:** YES  
[I'm_So_Excited.gif](https://brianspagnoli.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/im-so-excited-gif.gif)

 **Biggest Heart:** I’m also looking forward to seeing who will be joining us next year 

**Byakuya Togami:** I have to admit I’m also quite curious  
There hasn’t been a lot of information as of late  
Usually things leak onto the internet before the actual day of the reveal 

**Egg Boy:** yeah ive noticed that too  
I mean ive heard some stuff  
But not that much to get me any info 

**Biggest Heart:** What have you heard?

 **Egg Boy:** well ive heard that theres another detective joining

 **Byakuya Togami:** So soon?  
Usually faculty waits at least two years before adding a repeat talent  
This person must be skilled 

**Egg Boy:** _@Boss Bitch_ come thru

 **Boss Bitch:** i don’t know how to feel about this 

**Byakuya Togami:** Do you feel threatened?

 **Boss Bitch:** Oh hell no this kid will never match my skill

 **Egg Boy:** wOah 

**Byakuya Togami:** Aren’t you confident  
Who’s to say the boy or girl isn’t a level ahead of you  
This is the next generation after all

 **Biggest Heart:** They’re only a year younger than us 

**_Boss Bitch changed Byakuya Togami’s name to Please Stop_ **

**Please Stop:** Oh ha ha 

 

****

**Toko → Byakuya  
3:23PM**

**Toko:** You wanna go out tonight? :) 

**Byakuya:** Out?

 **Toko:** Like on a date  
Now that everyone knows we’re together we don’t have to worry about them seeing us in public anymore 

**Byakuya:** I suppose so  
Where would you like to go?

 **Toko:** I’ll let you pick this time <3 

**Byakuya:** I’m in the mood for steak 

**Toko:** Steak it is!  
So 7?

 **Byakuya:** 7 works fine 

**Toko:** Okay perfect  
Love you <3 

**Byakuya:** love you too 

 

**HPA Class 78  
8:30PM**

**Celestia Ludenberg:** I have plans to slaughter Sonia  
Who’s with me?

 **Makoto’s Mom:** choose your actions wisely  
Soda will kill you  
Gundham too 

**Pro Hacker™:** so will Akane  
Everyone from 77 will go ham

 **Celestia Ludenberg:** Oh they won’t  
Cowards all of them

 **Makoto’s Mom:** wait what happened 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** I heard her calling me a poser

 **Pro Hacker™:** HA 

**Makoto’s Mom:** WHAT??  
WHY  
HOW  
WHEN

 **Celestia Ludenberg:** She’s sitting with Mioda in the AV room which I so happened to be passing  
And I hear my name being spoken  
So naturally I peeked an ear in 

**Bad Influence:** just the ear 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** And I hear her go  
“I don’t know she doesn’t look French to me.”  
NO SHIT IM NOT FRENCH DUMB BIMBO 

**Bad Influence:** *spits tea*

 **Pro Hacker™:** YOU DID NOT JUST ADMIT THAT  
_@everyone_

 **Celestia Ludenberg:** oh fuckit 

**Saliva Milk:** the tea is b r e w i n g 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** honestly you all basically know at this point  
Like you know my name and shit  
So ta da  
The mo ment of truth 

**Egg Boy:** ...you okay there?

 **Celestia Ludenberg:** Of course  
I’m just spitting tea 

**Pro Hacker™:** I know but you’d never actually say this stuff out loud before  
Like when we first met each other 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** eh mijgh as erll just sasy it 

**Makoto’s Mom:** …..  
WHAT 

**Egg Boy:** you sure you okay???

 **Saliva Milk:** she fuckin with us rn? 

**Makoto’s Mom:** when has celeste ever pulled a prank on us 

**Pro Hacker™:** if this were literally anyone else i wouldnt be concerned 

**Bad Influence:** ^^^

 **Makoto’s Mom:** okay if junkos concerned then you know theres a bad vibe 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** nonononononono im fune

 **Saliva Milk:** girl  
[I_Think_Not.img](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/016/578/cover1.jpg)

 **Egg Boy:** ^^^ I agree pretty strongly 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** m just alil drubk 

**Makoto’s Mom:** YOURE DRUNK????  
W H Y  
_@everyone_

**Was Right This Time:** its 830 on a friday night  
She good 

__

**Saliva Milk:** hiro  
Were not 21 

**Was Right This Time:** oh yeah i forget  
_@Celestia Ludenberg_ you in your dorm room?

 **Celestia Ludenberg:** mmmhmmmmmmmmm

 **Was Right This Time:** alright thats good  
You wanna go to sleep?

 **Celestia Ludenberg:** but im not tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiredddddd

 **Was Right This Time:** I will literally send Hifumi to continuously knock on your door while simultaneously ringing your doorbell if you dont go to bed within the next 10 minutes 

**Celestia Ludenberg:** okayyyyyyyyyy  
Goodnight 

**Makoto’s Mom:** I’m concerned??

 **Was Right This Time:** okay lemme put this into perspective as a 21 year old man who drinks 

**Makoto’s Mom:** oh boy

 **Was Right This Time:** its friday night, shes in her dorm, shes going to bed, i dont peg her for the type to do something like impulse drink  
Most likely she was just chillin out, wanted to have a lil something and drank too much cuz lets be real shes a tiny girl  
lightweight

 **Saliva Milk:** if you say so man

 **Was Right This Time:** we can check up on her tomorrow when she wakes up  
Worst case scenario she has a wicked hangover 

**Saliva Milk:** idk man this isnt sitting well with me 

**Was Right This Time:** im sure everything will be fine  
I can check on her if you guys are worried 

**Egg Boy:** I think thatll settle my nerves a little bit 

**Was Right This Time:** one check up comin up! 

**Pro Hacker™:** you guys think shes okay?

 **Bad Influence:** shes prob fine  
I think were more shocked because its her of all people  
Like if this was like mondo id be like okay cool  
I would do shit like this lmao 

**Makoto’s Mom:** yeah but thats whats freaking me out a lil bit  
If it were mondo or you id be like okayyyyyyyy  
But its celeste  
So im like  
Oh no 

**Egg Boy:** yeah but we’re not gonna get anywhere by just freaking out  
Hiro is going to check on her and he’ll know what to do if somethings not right

 **Was Right This Time:** alright so i rang the bell  
She opened the door  
Very faintly went,  
w h y  
Then i asked what she drank  
She said wine  
Then she slammed the door in my face and i heard the girl jump in her bed  
I heard the mattress go  
plop  
shes fine  
Shes past her goofy phase  
Now shes sleepy  
Because wine 

**Egg Boy:** thats a relief 

**Bad Influence:** well now we know that celeste is a silly drunk  
Cute 

**Saliva Milk:** well theres only one thing left to do  
_@Boss Bitch @Boss Bitch @Boss Bitch @Boss Bitch_

**Boss Bitch:** what just happened

 **Saliva Milk:** we need a username change 

**Makoto’s Mom:** choose your next words carefully 

**Boss Bitch:** whose name to what

 **Saliva Milk:** Celeste’s name to some variation of this quote from her  
“NO SHIT IM NOT FRENCH DUMB BIMBO”

 **Boss Bitch:** I need to catch up with this conversation  
But here

**_Boss Bitch changed Celestia Ludenberg’s name to Pas Français, Putain_ ******

********

**Saliva Milk:** ….huh?

 **Boss Bitch:** It means "Not French, Whore" in French 

**Bad Influence:** Shes gonna be pissed  
Good 

**Was Right This Time:** PLEASE STOP DOING THAAAAT 

**Bad Influence:** NO ONE CAN STOP ME  
HAHAHAAAAA

 **Was Right This Time:** IM GOING TO B E D 

**Boss Bitch:** Well okay then  
Oh yeah Makoto, HPA staff announced that they’re uploading the roster at 3:00 tomorrow 

**Egg Boy:** 3AM or 3PM?

 **Boss Bitch:** I don’t even want to answer that 

**Egg Boy:** Kyoko I will literally stay up all night until this roster comes out 

**Saliva Milk:** such determination

 **Egg Boy:** I have been counting down the days  
I need to see this the minute it comes out  
No  
The second 

**Saliva Milk:** Makoto please get sleep  
Dont overdo it 

**Egg Boy:** NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO 

**Boss Bitch:** I will literally call your sister

 **Egg Boy:** DO IT COWARD  
YOU DONT EVEN HAVE HER NUMBER  
HA 

**Saliva Milk:** damn youve been thwarted 

**Egg Boy:** >:) 

**Boss Bitch:** Oh yeah?  
Check this shit out 

**_Boss Bitch added Komaru Naegi to the chat_**

**Saliva Milk:** OH MY GODDDDDDDDD

 **Bad Influence:** LMAO STOPP IM ROLLING 

**Egg Boy:** HOW DID YOU EVEN ADD HER SHE DOESNT GO TO THIS SCHOOL??

 **Boss Bitch:** Don't question my authority

 **Komaru Naegi:** makoto  
Bed  
Kyoko said so 

**Egg Boy:** IM LITERALLY OLDER THAN YOU

 **Komaru Naegi:** I WILL LITERALLY TELL DAD TO KNOCK YOU OUT 

**Egg Boy:** fineeeeeeeeeeeee

 **Komaru Naegi:** thats what i thought :) 

**_Boss Bitch removed Komaru Naegi from the chat_**

**Bad Influence:** she really couldve removed us this whole time  
Literally at any minute she can just yeet us out of here 

**Boss Bitch:** That’s right  
So don’t test me

 **Saliva Milk:** wow she really is a boss bitch  
props

 **Boss Bitch:** Don’t mess with me  
:) 

**Bad Influence:** oh shit i got chills  
Fuck girl

****

**4:15AM**

**Egg Boy:** WHERE IS IT  
UGHHHH  
IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF ITS 3PM ISNT IT  
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: DONT TAKE HIROS ALCHOL ADVICE BECAUSE I AM NOT 21 AND AM NOT QUALIFIED TO TAKE CARE OF DRUNK PEOPLE YEEHAW
> 
> also adding komaru was like a spur of the moment decision so idk if ill have her return but ya never know


	11. Mukuro did not save this country to not have air conditioning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eryn don't read this chapter you'll think too much:P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username Guide!!
> 
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy  
> Sayaka Maizono - Makoto’s Mom  
> Mukuro Ikusaba -  
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk  
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™  
> Mondo Owada - Pastor Mondo  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru -  
> Hifumi Yamada -  
> Celestia Ludenberg - Pas Français, Putain  
> Sakura Ogami - Biggest Heart  
> Junko Enoshima - Bad Influence  
> Aoi Asahina -  
> Yasuhiro Hagakure - Was Right This Time  
> Toko Fukawa -  
> Byakuya Togami - Please Stop  
> Kyoko Kirigiri - Boss Bitch

**HPA Chat 78  
9:08AM**

**Saliva Milk:** wow makoto really stayed up all night  
I dont know if i should feel bad or admire the dedication 

**Aoi Asahina:** dammit makoto did you get any sleep at all??

**Saliva Milk:** wait i forgot its saturday hes probably not up  
What sensible person is up at 9AM on a saturday? 

**Aoi Asahina:** i mean tbh 9 isnt that early  
why are you up then 

**Saliva Milk:** just got out of practice  
You?

**Aoi Asahina:** same  
No sleep for swimmers  
At least they give us a break for saturdays  
7am start instead of 5 

**Saliva Milk:** jesus christ i have the same shit

**Aoi Asahina:** #athletestruggles 

**Saliva Milk:** never use a hashtag in my presence again 

**Aoi Asahina:** damn okay  
Grumpy

**Biggest Heart:** Good morning 

**Aoi Asahina:** hey sakura! 

**Saliva Milk:** oh shit the athlete squad is forming  
Im here for this 

**Aoi Asahina:** did you just finish training too?

**Biggest Heart:** Not quite, but I decided to take a small break 

**Saliva Milk:** didnt think you were capable of taking breaks 

**Biggest Heart:** Everybody needs a break at some point 

**Saliva Milk:** fucking preach 

**Aoi Asahina:** oh wait were missing an athlete 

**Saliva Milk:** ??

**Aoi Asahina:** _@Mukuro Ikusaba_ wya bb

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** oh hello  
I don’t know if my talent qualifies as something athletic 

**Saliva Milk:** dude  
Go over all the training youve done over the years then say youre not an athlete

**Aoi Asahina:** what he said 

**Biggest Heart:** I also agree 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** I understand what you mean but being a soldier is in its own category  
It isn’t in like with being a swimmer or a baseball player or a martial artist 

**Saliva Milk:** aight mukuro i see you 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** What do you mean? 

**Saliva Milk:** the subtle ‘my talent is more than just an athlete okay bitches’

**Aoi Asahina:** get it girl 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Oh no that’s not what I meant

**Aoi Asahina:** nononono its okay!!!  
Youre like top notch girl 

**Biggest Heart:** I agree. You do have an undeniable amount of physical and emotional strength compared to the rest of us. You should be proud of it 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** I will take that into consideration  
But thank you Sakura 

**Saliva Milk:** wholesome content. Subscribed 

**Aoi Asahina:** this is the one time ill allow that from you 

**Saliva Milk: **:D****

********

****

**3:04PM**

**Makoto’s Mom:** _@Egg Boy_ are you on the forums??  
Theyre out ya know?  
Makoto? 

****

**3:15PM**

**Makoto’s Mom:** _@Egg Boy_ ARE YOU STILL SLEEPING????

**Toko Fukawa:** no doubt about it mommy 

**Makoto’s Mom:** this man is gonna be flooded with information about class 79  
Theres already so much stuff

**Toko Fukawa:** i know my phones fuckin blowing up right now

********

**Makoto’s Mom:** mine is too lol 

**Was Right This Time:** same here  
Too many people are asking if i know anyone

**Makoto’s Mom:** me too!!!! 

**Was Right This Time:** Makoto better get in this chat cuz i wanna talk about it

**Toko Fukawa:** lil guy probably still sleepin  
He stayed up literally all night waiting for this stupid list  
Hell i didnt even look at it yet

**Makoto’s Mom:** why not??

**Toko Fukawa:** eh im not that interested  
Like well see them sooner than we realize so  
Yea 

**Was Right This Time:** shes gota point 

**Makoto’s Mom:** tea  
Makoto is still gonna have a stroke tho

**Toko Fukawa:** oh without a doubt

 

****

**3:58PM**

**Pas Français, Putain:** does anyone have a way to contact tsumiki?  
Anyone  
Accepting any and all applicants 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** I do! What do you need?

******Pas Français, Putain:** tell her to come to my dorm ASAP  
And to bring every medicine in existence 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Are you sick? What’s going on?

**Pas Français, Putain:** im not in the mood to be lectured  
But if you must know i have a hangover and i am experiencing pain only felt by the devil himself 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** I’ll call Tsumiki immediately!

**Bad Influence:** damn girl you really drank a shit load last night huh?  
Did you just wake up?

**Pas Français, Putain:** 5 minutes ago 

**Bad Influence:** jesus christ 

**Saliva Milk:** im just glad youre alive tbh  
Why did you even drink that much???

**Pas Français, Putain:** i was testing my tolerance and got a little carried away 

********

**Bad Influence:** yeahhhhhh i have a hard time believing that honey  
Where did you even get wine in the first place?

**Pas Français, Putain:** a magician never reveals her secrets  
Oh my god

**Saliva Milk:** ?

******Pas Français, Putain:** _@Boss Bitch_ what the hell is this username???

**Boss Bitch:** It means:  
“Not French, Whore”

**Pas Français, Putain:** W H Y 

**Bad Influence:** cuz you deadass admitted it last night  
Praise god 

**Pas Français, Putain:** i didnt say shit 

**Bad Influence:** “NO SHIT IM NOT FRENCH DUMB BIMBO” -Celeste, last night 

**Pas Français, Putain:** i did??

**Boss Bitch:** Yes you did  
Celeste it is my professional opinion that you were absolutely plastered last night 

**Saliva Milk:** oh without a doubt  
Hiro checked on you to make sure you werent gonna fuckin do anything stupid or something 

**Pas Français, Putain:** that i vaguely remember 

**Saliva Milk:** _@Was Right This Time_ tell her man 

**Was Right This Time:** oh yea she was goneeeeeee  
Completely piss drunk  
It was kinda funny  
Which i can say now cuz shes fine  
But really  
Ummm  
I forgot where I was going with this 

**Pas Français, Putain:** Someone explain to me why it was a good idea for Hiro of all people to check on me? 

********

********

**Boss Bitch:** To be fair he is the only one that’s of legal drinking age

**Saliva Milk:** yea we figured that he’d been in this situation before 

**Pas Français, Putain:** I suppose that does make some amount of sense 

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru:** Tsumiki is on her way! 

**Pas Français, Putain:** Fantastic 

**Bad Influence:** I swear tsumiki is like the only person in 77 I stan  
Hopefully 79 brings some MVPS

**Pastor Mondo:** we’ll wait for naegi to scream about it later

**Bad Influence:** where the actual fuck did you just come from  
This man just spawned 

**Pastor Mondo:** I don’t bike and text  
Fools 

**Boss Bitch:** Taka has changed this man for the better  
Here I go

**_Boss Bitch changed Kiyotaka Ishimaru’s name to Good Influence_ **

**Good Influence:** Thank you, Kirigiri! 

**Saliva Milk:** finally some good fucking content 

 

**5:02PM**

**Egg Boy:** I JUST WOKE UP  
I SLEPT FOR 13 HOURS  
WHY DID NO ONE WAKE ME UP  
IM NOT OKAY  
THE ROSTER  
IM SCREEKING  
GUYS  
GUYS  
GUYS  
GUYS  
GUYS  
GUYS  
_@everyone_  
_@everyone_  
_@everyone_  
_@everyone_  
_@everyone_  
_@everyone _  
THIS IS NOT AN OPTIONAL MEETINGGGGGGGGG__

____

**Makoto’s Mom:** makoto jesus christ  
Youre actually insane 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** I agree

**Saliva Milk:** aw let him be excited 

**Pro Hacker™:** yeah it’s actually kinda cute :) 

**Pastor Mondo:** thats not the word i would use but go off 

**Good Influence:** I am actually quite excited to start discussing the roster! 

**Hifumi Yamada:** im ready to theorize 

**Pas Français, Putain:** You sound like Hiro

**Biggest Heart:** The time has come 

**Aoi Asahina:** yay!!! Im so excited! 

**Was Right This Time:** i deadass have a list of predictions i made a few months ago and im ready for them all to be right

**Please Stop:** I’m ready for you to make a complete fool of yourself 

**Toko Fukawa:** Ditto 

**Boss Bitch:** Alright Makoto you have the floor

**Bad Influence:** ITS SHOWTIME BITCHES 

**Egg Boy:** ….okay so like how do we do this?  
Should we all just plop down what we have? 

**Good Influence:** That seems like it will work!  
Who wants to go first? 

**Makoto’s Mom:** I guess I will?

**Aoi Asahina:** yaaaas maizono 

**Makoto’s Mom:** im pretty excited to have another music bae in here  
Or at least a music bae that isnt Mioda 

**Bad Influence:** oh thats tea 

**Makoto’s Mom:** i mean Miodas sweet and all that but she has beef with my idol friends  
Ive never met Akamatsu so hopefully things will work  
I wanna collab with her she looks super cute 

**Saliva Milk:** first off  
Mioda is cool  
Second  
Yes. akamatsu is very cute  
Verrrrry cute 

**Bad Influence:** put it away leon 

**Saliva Milk:** um excuse me is this not the time to discuss opinions????  
Hypocrites 

**Was Right This Time:** honestly im kinda interested in meeting shinguji

**Aoi Asahina:** thats a bit shocking 

**Toko Fukawa:** Yeah. He looks intelligent 

**Aoi Asahina:** dont be mean

**Toko Fukawa:** Don’t tell me what to do 

**Was Right This Time:** i mean hes an anthropologist  
Anthropology and clairvoyance kinda go hand in hand 

**Pastor Mondo:** iiiii dont think so 

**Pas Français, Putain:** I would assume those were complete opposite 

**Boss Bitch:** I agree. Clairvoyance is future predicting. Some would say from supernatural causes. Anthropology is pure history and facts.

**Was Right This Time:** HE HAS COOL HAIR AND I HAVE COOL HAIR SO WERE GONNA BE FRIENDS

**Hifumi Yamada:** Shinguji is a MAN???  
But he’s so pretty

**Egg Boy:** didnt we just go over this?  
Should pastor mondo preach another lesson in human sexuality XD 

**Pro Hacker™:** *play_Hype-Gospel-Music*

**Pastor Mondo:** THERE IS NO SHAME

**Hifumi Yamada:**

**Pro Hacker ™:** *stop_Hype-Gospel-Music* 

****

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** I have to admit  
Shinguji’s profile is rubbing me the wrong way 

**Please Stop:** How so?

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Maybe it’s just a me thing, but  
He doesn’t like air conditioning  
What decent human doesn’t like air conditioning?

**Hifumi Yamada:** That seems like a very complicated thing to dislike 

**Mukuro ikusaba:** No it’s not complicated  
It’s air conditioning  
It is a gift to rooms everywhere  
Everyone needs to cool off

**Bad Influence:** woah sis chill out 

**Saliva Milk:** did she just…?

**Egg Boy:** yes  
She did  
But i agree with mukuro  
Anyone who doesnt like air conditioning is not only suspicious but also stinky 

**Was Right This Time:** i agree 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** THATS ANOTHER THING!  
HES PROBABLY SWEATY AND STINKY  
LOOK AT HIS UNIFORM  
ITS SO HEAVY  
THIS MAN ONLY HAS HIS EYES SHOWING  
GOD DAMN 

**Pro Hacker™:** okay we should probably move on before Mukuro has an aneurysm  
Let’s talk Iruma  
She’s an inventorrrrrrrr  
Soda is gonna flip his lid when he sees her 

**Toko Fukawa:** Wait her name sounds really familiar for some reason  
What has she made?

**Pro Hacker™:** the forums say that she invented eye drop contact lenses 

**Pastor Mondo:** SHUT THE FRONT DOOR IVE HEARD OF THOSE 

**Toko Fukawa:** That’s actually pretty impressive  
I’ve heard of those too  
I actually tried them once and they worked really well

**Pas Français, Putain:** Then why do you not wear them?

**Toko Fukawa:** I don’t care for contacts that much 

**Pas Français, Putain:** Weakling 

**Toko Fukawa:** Bitch 

**Good Influence:** Fukawa and Celeste! Please do not fight! 

**Pas Français, Putain:** I do what I want 

**Toko Fukawa:** Calm down, Princess

**Egg Boy:** SHHHHHHHHH

**Saliva Milk:** yeah ladies  
Listen to the egg man

**Pro Hacker™:** Dr. Eggman has nothing on Makoto Naegi 

**Egg Boy:** ASDFGHJKL 

**Saliva Milk:** Makoto is far superior  
Bow down before the mighty egg 

**Egg Boy:** yall needa chillllll  
Lets not get too distracted  
I know who we can talk about  
If we’re done Iruma 

**Saliva Milk:** DONE WITH IRUMA LMAOOOO  
But wait are we really finna go over all of em  
Thats a lot of people 

**Egg Boy:** WE DIVIDE AND CONQUER  
How bout this:  
We all say the name of the person we wanna meet the most  
READY SET GO  
I THINK THAT AKAMATSU SEEMS REALLY COOL IMMA SAY IT 

**Makoto’s Mom:** ME TOO THANKS 

**Aoi Asahina:** Chabashira looks fun to hang out with 

**Biggest Heart:** I agree  
She seems like a worthy training partner  
Hopefully she will be more relaxed than Owari 

**Aoi Asahina:** factssssssss

**Bad Influence:** im pretty stoked to meet Shirogane tbh  
I mean shes a cosplayer and im a fashionista so i feel like those could be like  
Good combo  
I could have her make shit for me 

**Hifumi Yamada:** I would also like to meet Ms. Shirogane  
She appears quite cultured in the 2D world

**Bad Influence:** ok nvm i forgot shes a weeb  
blocked

**Hifumi Yamada:** Now that I find offensive 

**Bad Influence:** oh my shit im so sorry  
Kyoko babe do your thing

**_Boss Bitch changed Hifumi Yamada’s name to Weeb Activist_**

**Weeb Activist:** Of course  
Why am I surprised?  
But also Ms. Yonaga  
Finally  
A fellow artist 

**Boss Bitch:** Oh that’s right 

**Toko Fukawa:** Yeah but Yonaga actually makes art  
You make porn

**Pastor Mondo:** DAMNNNNNNNNNN

**Weeb Activist:** Okay I give up

**Please Stop:** If you’re quite done with your pity party  
I for one am quite eager about meeting Tojo

**Bad Influence:** woahhhhhhhh watch out  
Your girlfriend is gonna get jealous 

**Please Stop:** Not in that sense  
You pervert 

**Toko Fukawa:** Yeah not everything has to be sexual  
Calm down 

**Bad Influence:** (▰˘v˘▰) imma keep my mouth shut

**Toko Fukawa:** That’s what I thought 

**Pastor Mondo:** im about to flip shit  
Hoshi is in this class

**Egg Boy:** why are you gonna flip shit?

**Pastor Mondo:** kuzuryuu is nooooooot gonna be happy

**Aoi Asahina:** how come???

**Pastor Mondo:** remember when one of kuzuryuus guys got fuckin decked by that steel ball?

**Aoi Asahina:** NO WAY 

**Pastor Mondo:** YEAH  
IM SCARED FOR BOTH OF THEM TBH  
KUZURYUU DONT FUCK AROUND  
NEITHER DOES PEKOYAMA  
WE FINNA SEE BLOOOOOOOODDDDD 

**Pas Français, Putain:** He is literally 3 feet tall I do not see how he poses any threat 

**Pastor Mondo:** W A I T F O R I T 

**Bad Influence:** ALSO  
HOLY SHIT  
I DONT CARE ABOUT HIS TALENT  
AT ALL  
IRRELIVANT  
AMAMI IS SOOOOO FUCKIGN HOTTTTTTTT

**Aoi Asahina:** THANK GOD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE 

**Was Right This Time:** yo leon you got a piercing buddy 

**Saliva Milk:** fuck yea broooo  
I think he may have more piercings than me 

**Was Right This Time:** yo for real??

**Saliva Milk:** look at my mans earssssssss

**Was Right This Time:** idk man it looks pretty even 

**Saliva Milk:** dude look at him he DEFINITELY has both nipples pierced 

**Pro Hacker™:** ouchie wowchie 

**Bad Influence:** nipple piercings are hot tbh 

**Egg Boy:** yo leon you got a nippie piercing

**Saliva Milk:** oh no  
Not i said the cat 

**Bad Influence:** leons a pussy confirmed by leon 

**Saliva Milk:** GOD DAMMIT 

**Please Stop:** You walked right into that one 

**Saliva Milk:** this is the only win youll get from me richie rich 

**Please Stop:** It’s only the first  
But never mind that  
We finally have the identity of the next generation detective 

**Boss Bitch:** He looks like a raindrop 

**Toko Fukawa:** Oh my god he does 

**Aoi Asahina:** STOOOPPPPPP LMAOOO 

**Boss Bitch:** He looks like he listens to Welcome to the Black Parade unironically and cries

**Pas Français, Putain:** Drag him 

**Boss Bitch:** His eyeliner looks more put together than Junkos

**Makoto’s Mom:** AAAAAAAAAAAA

**Bad Influence:** YOU WANNA GO YOU PURPLE BITCH  
DAPHNE BLAKE LOOKIN ASS 

**Was Right This Time:** LMAO DAPHNE BLAKE  
CAN I BE SHAGGY 

**Bad Influence:** …  
Sure 

**Was Right This Time:** :D 

**Aoi Asahina:** oh speaking of shaggy!  
_@Biggest Heart_ Gokuhara looks like a cool training partner too

**Biggest Heart:** He does have a physique that rivals Nidai’s however he is an entomologist 

**Aoi Asahina:** i mean yeah but you dont JUST have that body type and not work out 24/7 

**Biggest Heart:** You do have a point  
I should not be so quick in my judgement 

**Was Right This Time:** WAIT  
ALL THAT PURPLE MADE ME THINK OF SOMETHING  
WHAT IF LEON WAS PURPLE??  
MAMOTA 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Oh they do kind of look alike 

**Was Right This Time:** LOOK AT ALL THE BROS YOU GOT 

**Saliva Milk:** hiro relax 

**Egg Boy:** Im just gonna jump in and say that  
Tanaka is gonna lose his mind when he meets Yumeno 

**Makoto’s Mom:** oh my god thats right shes a magician  
A tiny tiny magician 

**Please Stop:** I’d just like to point to how useful Harukawa’s talent is  
Finally. Someone to put the children in check 

**Good Influence:** I also think that having her on campus would be quite helpful! Tojo as well. They must be used to taking care of certain tasks 

**Bad Influence:** i know he meant this as a compliment but that is the funniest thing ive ever read 

**Aoi Asahina:** i just dont see how harukawa functions with that hair  
Its literally down to her ankles  
Like shes slaying  
But jesus  
Girl  
Get a trim  
Hey @ long haired girls in chat how do you manage?

**Makoto’s Mom:** its a commitment let me tell ya  
Wait you lave long hair too??

**Aoi Asahina:** yea but i always have mine up 

**Makoto’s Mom:** touche 

**Biggest Heart:** There are many times where it becomes a distraction. However in my daily life I sometimes forget it’s there

**Boss Bitch:** Eventually you just figure out a way to deal with it 

**Bad Influence:** word 

**Pas Français, Putain:** I disagree strongly 

**Bad Influence:** yea prob cuz you gotta remember to put on that heavy ass wig every morning 

**Pas Français, Putain:** I’m never drinking again I told you way too much 

**Bad Influence:** oh no you didnt say that you wore extensions i just needed to confirm my theory 

**Aoi Asahina:** OHHHHHHH SHIIIIIT 

**Pro Hacker™:** *cue_air-horns* 

**Pas Français, Putain:** I actually hate you 

**Bad Influence:** <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god im sorry for the mini unannounced hiatus i suck
> 
> ive been moving out of my apartment over the past couple of weeks so i havent had time to update. but now im kinda settled in so ill try to work on new chapters as quickly as possible! 
> 
> hope yall enjoyed :)


	12. ((pt 2)) Mukuro did not save this country to not have air conditioning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my dumbass forgot to include kokichi and kiibo in the discussion so here's Mukuro did not save this country to not have air conditioning pt 2 electric boogaloo 
> 
> Eryn don't read this either

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username guide! 
> 
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy  
> Sayaka Maizono - Makoto’s Mom  
> Mukuro Ikusaba -  
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk  
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™  
> Mondo Owada - Pastor Mondo  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru - Good Influence  
> Hifumi Yamada - Weeb Activist  
> Celestia Ludenberg - Pas Français, Putain  
> Sakura Ogami - Biggest Heart  
> Junko Enoshima - Bad Influence  
> Aoi Asahina -  
> Yasuhiro Hagakure - Was Right This Time  
> Toko Fukawa -  
> Byakuya Togami - Please Stop  
> Kyoko Kirigiri - Boss Bitch

**Pastor Mondo:** guys  
What the fuck is a supreme leader 

**Please Stop:** Nonsense. That’s what it is  
The child poses no threat 

**Bad Influence:** yeah really  
Look at him  
he looks like a twink 

**Pro Hacker™:** *cue_air-horns*  
He really does tho  
But what do you guys think his deal is?  
Anyone know who he is?

**Weeb Activist:** Mr. Ouma says he likes carbonated drinks so he’s cool in my book 

**Was Right This Time:** im getting a vibe from him

**Egg Boy:** uh oh spaghettios  
How so?

**Was Right This Time:** he seems like he could be a mini-komaeda  
I don’t know why  
But im getting the message from the spirits 

**Egg Boy:** shit  
Well on that note  
Anyone else we miss?

**Pro Hacker™:** YES AND IM GONNA CRY  
THERE IS A ROBOT  
AN ACTUAL ROBOT  
SODA AND I ARE ABOUT TO GO HAMMMMMMMMMMMM  
I WONDER IF IT OPERATES LIKE A HUMAN  
I MEAN IT MUST SINCE ITS GOING TO BE A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT  
K1B0  
BUT PLEASE CALL HIM KIIBO  
IM CRYING 

**Egg Boy:** chihiro has officially lost her mind  
Welp i think that about settles it right?  
Ok cool  
Im going to bed 

****

**2:45AM**

**Saliva Milk:** do you guys think the robot has a dick?


	13. Taka does not understand cringe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username Guide!!
> 
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy  
> Sayaka Maizono - Makoto’s Mom  
> Mukuro Ikusaba -  
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk  
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™  
> Mondo Owada - Pastor Mondo  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru - Good Influence  
> Hifumi Yamada - Weeb Activist  
> Celestia Ludenberg - Pas Français, Putain  
> Sakura Ogami - Biggest Heart  
> Junko Enoshima - Bad Influence  
> Aoi Asahina -  
> Yasuhiro Hagakure - Was Right This Time  
> Toko Fukawa -  
> Byakuya Togami - Please Stop  
> Kyoko Kirigiri - Boss Bitch

****

**HPA Class 78  
2:04PM**

**Weeb Activist:** _@everyone_ I have an important task for all of you  
I need your complete and total honesty and trust to not search anything online because I will have Ms. Fujisaki crack open your search histories to make sure you’re not cheating 

**Pro Hacker™:** oh god he means business 

**Please Stop:** Can she even legally do that?

**Pro Hacker™:** I will not be stopped by something as petty as the law 

**Bad Influence:** atta girl 

**Good Influence:** Yamada what is the purpose of having Fujisaki perform such misdeeds?

**Weeb Activist:** I’m glad you asked Mr. Ishimaru  
Let us proceed  
C r e e p e r 

**Please Stop:** What?

**Good Influence:** Who?

**Weeb Activist:** okay let’s start that over  
C r e e p e r 

**Pro Hacker™:** AW MAN 

**Weeb Activist:** SO WE BACK IN THE MINE 

**Pro Hacker™:** GOT OUR PICKAXE SWINGIN FROM SIDE TO SIDE 

**Weeb Activist:** SIDE SIDE TO SIDE 

**Pro Hacker™:** THIS TASKS A GRUELING ONE 

**Bad Influence:** im not a fan of puppeteers 

**Weeb Activist:** oh come on 

**Saliva Milk:** but ive been nagging fear 

**Weeb Activist:** This is a Minecraft server darn it 

**Bad Influence:** someone else is pulling at the strings 

**Aoi Asahina:** SOMETHIN TERRIBLE IS GOIN DOWN 

**Saliva Milk:** THROUGH THE ENTIRE TOWN 

**Weeb Activist:** Dumb bronies

**Toko Fukawa:** Look at your username first then try to insult them

**Bad Influence:** wrecking(?) at our kin and all it brings 

**Egg Boy:** I CANT SIT IIIIIIIIDLY NO I CANT MOVE AT ALL

**Makoto’s Mom:** Makoto since when are you a brony

**Egg Boy:** I have a younger sister stfu 

**Makoto’s Mom:** don’t talk to your mother like that  
...  
I CURSE THE NAME

**Bad Influence:** THE ONE BEHIND IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

**Saliva Milk:** D I S C O R D!!!!!!!!!!

**Toko Fukawa:** Is everyone just exposing their cringy fandoms at this point?

**Weeb Activist:** I just wanted to have a peaceful Minecraft server but the bronies took over  
But I guess we can all expose ourselves  
Come on _@everyone_

**Pastor Mondo:** GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO  
GOTTA GO FAST 

**Was Right This Time:** GOTTA GO FAST!!!!!!

**Pastor Mondo:** GOTTA GO FASTER FASTER FASTER FASTER FASTER 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Moving at speed of sound 

**Was Right This Time:** NO WAYYYYYYYYYY

**Bad Influence:** how dare you be a sonic fan  
It be your own family smh

**Egg Boy:** oh my god top 10 plot twists 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Quickest hedgehog around 

**Pastor Mondo:** GOT OURSELVES A SITUATION 

**Was Right This Time:** STUCK IN A NEW LOCATION 

**Pastor Mondo:** WITH OUT A NY EX PLAN AT IOOOOONNNN

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** NO TIME FOR RELAXATION 

**Pastor Mondo:** SO DONT BLINK 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** DONT THINK

**Was Right This Time:** JUST GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO

**Boss Bitch:** Can’t wait to meet you 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** excuse me??

**Toko Fukawa:** So join the animatronic family???

**Boss Bitch:** We open real soon 

**Pas Français, Putain:** Try your best to hold on to sanity 

**Toko Fukawa:** COME GET TO KNOW ME

**Pas Français, Putain:** AND YOU WONT WANNA LEAVE AFTER TONIGHT 

**Boss Bitch:** DOWN HERE WE’RE LONELY 

**Toko Fukawa:** AND WE WOULD LOVE YA TO JOIN US FOR A BITE 

**Biggest Heart:** You’ve been through 20 long frightful nights 

**Pas Français, Putain:** You’ve seen their faces felt all their bites 

**Biggest Heart:** You know our show is so far from over 

**Please Stop:** AND FREDDY TOLD US YOU’RE AN ORGAN DONOR 

**Toko Fukawa:** B A B E

**Please Stop:** ALL EYES ARE ON YOU 

**Pas Français, Putain:** WE CAN WALK YOU THROUGH OUR DARK FANTASY

**Good Influence:** WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA

**Bad Influence:** taka  
Honey  
Oh my god  
_@Pastor Mondo_ come get your mans 

**Toko Fukawa:** Do you even know what cringy phases are?

**Good Influence:** Oh did I make a mistake? I thought we were going over shows we watched in our youth.

**Pastor Mondo:** i mean hes not wrong  
Yall are just cowards 

**Saliva Milk:** dont call me a coward asshole

**Pastor Mondo:** just the other day i cracked my knuckles and you flinched 

**Egg Boy:** nice one leon

**Saliva Milk:** SHHHHHHHH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG AGH IM A SAD COLLEGE STUDENT ;_;
> 
> i wanted to give this chapter more substance but my brain went plop so here's some wholesome content :D


	14. Chihiro wants to file a lawsuit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Username Guide~~  
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy  
> Sayaka Maizono - Makoto’s Mom  
> Mukuro Ikusaba -  
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk  
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™  
> Mondo Owada - Pastor Mondo  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru - Good Influence  
> Hifumi Yamada - Weeb Activist  
> Celestia Ludenberg - Pas Français, Putain  
> Sakura Ogami - Biggest Heart  
> Junko Enoshima - Bad Influence  
> Aoi Asahina -  
> Yasuhiro Hagakure - Was Right This Time  
> Toko Fukawa -  
> Byakuya Togami - Please Stop  
> Kyoko Kirigiri - Boss Bitch

**HPA Class 78  
3:37AM**

**Pro Hacker™:** guys we've been out here for 30 minutes already im kinda worried

 **Egg Boy:** is this a normal thing here????  
Is this a drill or is something actually on fire???

 **Boss Bitch:** I highly doubt it  
It’s more likely that someone pulled the fire alarm as a prank

 **Weeb Activist:** On a school night no less  
Heathens I say  
Heathens 

**Please Stop:** Normally I would agree with you but we’ve been standing outside for 30 minutes already  
Far too long to be considered a drill 

**Toko Fukawa:** Oh no  
Do you think something’s actually on fire???

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** I don’t think so  
I don’t sense smoke at all 

**Good Influence:** She does have a point 

**Aoi Asahina:** then why have we been out here for so long??

 **Pro Hacker™:** I have no idea but im kinda worried 

**Egg Boy:** do you think 77 has any idea whats going on? 

**Aoi Asahina:** probably not but i wouldnt be surprised if they did

**Hajime’s Hell Hole  
3:02AM**

**Nagito:** ive officially lost all hope  
I was having such a good sleep too  
Oh well  
Now we get to enjoy the great outdoors with our other classmates  
How wonderful

 **Hiyoko:** teruteru im gonna bop you on the head 

**TeruTeru:** WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT WAS ME 

**Hiyoko:** who else would set off the smelly fire alarm at 3 in the morning other than you?  
MIKAN

 **Mikan:** WHY ME?????? ;_;

 **Ibuki:** STOP MAKING MIKAN SAD  
IM MAKING IT A LAW 

**Fuyuhiko:** i dont give a shit who set off that fire alarm ill fuckin kill whoever 

**Sonia:** Can we please not use violence?

 **Soda:** listen to miss sonia guys 

**Fuyuhiko:** fuck off i bet it was you 

**Soda:** first off  
Rude  
Second  
Whoops 

**Fuyuhiko:** GOD DAMMIT SODA  
_@Peko_ PLEASE SLICE THIS ROTTEN TOMATO 

**Hajime:** thats the tamest insult youve ever used  
Im proud 

**Fuyuhiko:** dont turn this around im fuckin pissed

 **Hajime:** there he is

 **Gundham:** WHO DARES AWAKEN THE SUPREME OVERLORD OF ICE AT THE HOUR OF ALL THAT IS UNHOLY AND DARK  
KAZUICHI 

**Soda:** im writing my will as we speak  
Give everything to miss sonia 

**Hiyoko:** i doubt she’d want your stinky garbage  
Stinky man 

**Sonia:** I do not wish to take his belongings 

**Akane:** BRUHHHHH 

**Soda:** ;_;

**Ibuki:** only mikan is allowed to use that face 

**Soda:** okay how bout a simple mad boi  
>:( 

**Ibuki:** Chiaki 

**Soda:** wut a boot h i m  
¯\\(°_o)/¯ 

**Peko:** Those are mine 

**Fuyuhiko:** yeah fuckin tell him  
Show em whatchu be doin peko 

**Peko:** (◉ω◉) 

**Fuyuhiko:** YEAH BOY  
(◉ω◉)  
FUCK YOU TALKIN BOUT STOP PLAYIN SODA 

**TeruTeru:** my friends i hate to divert the conversation but what exactly did soda do to set off the fire alarm? 

**Akane:** bet it was somethin stupid 

**Soda:** okay so  
Heres the thing  
Um  
I may or may not have caused a gas leak 

**Fuyuhiko:** MOTHER FUCKER WHAT 

**Mikan:** HOW DO YOU DO THAT  
ACCIDENTALLY 

**Akane:** DUUUUUUDE 

**Nekomaru:** SHIT 

**Nagito:** of course you did 

**Soda:** HEAR ME OUT GUYS 

**Mahiru:** OH MY GOD WE’RE NOT GONNA HEAR YOU OUT YOU JUST SAID YOU CAUSED A GAS LEAK SODA 

**Soda:** I SAID I MAY OR *MAY NOT HAVE* 

**Chiaki:** That means you did  
I think 

**Hajime:** I agree 

**Gundham:** Why were you even working this early in the morning? 

**TeruTeru:** the sexy man asked a sexy question. Answer him 

**Soda:** first off  
(｡ŏ﹏ŏ) 

**Peko:** Stop stealing my gimmick 

**Soda:** make me  
Second 

**Fuyuhiko:** im gonna stab this guy 

**Soda:** SECOND  
There’s an inventor AND a robot coming to HPA next year  
I wanted to make everything spiffy for em 

**Mahiru:** okay thats actually really considerate of you but youre still a moron 

**Soda:** ill take any compliment i can get at this point 

**Sonia:** How long are we going to be out here? It’s terribly cold at this early hour. 

**Soda:** iiiiif this is an actual gas leak theres a possibility we could be out here for a few hours 

**Nekomaru:** SHIIIIIIIIIIT

  
**HPA Class 78  
4:19AM**

**Pro Hacker™:** Oh my golly gosh  


**Bad Influence:** wuh happun doll 

**Pro Hacker™:** _@Pas Français, Putain_ remember how you said you were gonna “slaughter sonia”? 

**Pas Français, Putain:** Vaguely  
You all love to bring up things I said while drunk, don't you? 

**Bad Influence:** hell yeah girl 

**Pro Hacker™:** can we add soda to that list?? 

**Pas Français, Putain:** Yes 

**Bad Influence:** OH BOY WHAT DID HE DO 

**Pro Hacker™:** I just got a text from him saying that he’s the one that set off the fire alarm and bonus points: its not a fire but a mcfricken gas leak and were gonna be out here all night 

**Was Right This Time:** W H A T 

**Pro Hacker™:** SODA CAUSED A GAS LEAK AND NOW WE’RE STUCK OUTSIDE ALL NIGHT BECAUSE THE SCHOOL IS ON LOCKDOWN 

**Bad Influence:** the dorms arent even connected to the labs 

**Boss Bitch:** It doesn’t matter. If one building goes into lockdown they all do. Especially if it’s something that can spread like a gas leak. 

**Bad Influence:** thats bullshit 

**Egg Boy:** what do we do now? 

**Pastor Mondo:** go home i guess 

**Toko Fukawa:** I literally live 3 hours away from HPA and I’m not calling my moms at 4 in the morning telling them my school is evacuating everyone 

**Was Right This Time:** you guys can come to my place  
Its only a 30 minute bus ride away from here  
Its gonna be cramped for all 16 of us but its better than nothing 

**Good Influence:** Are you sure? I wouldn't want to be of any inconvenience 

**Was Right This Time:** Of course! I’m not letting you guys not have a place to go for the night 

**Makoto’s Mom:** im gonna cry thats so sweet of you 

**Pro Hacker™:** thank you hirooooooooooo 

**Pas Français, Putain:** Did Soda say when the situation should be handled? 

**Pro Hacker™:** the gas leak or us slaughtering him? 

**Pas Français, Putain:** Yes 

**Bad Influence:** i love this girl 

**Pro Hacker™:** he said it should be settled before 3pm depending on what time the biohazard guys show up so thats when we strike 

**Pas Français, Putain:** Wonderful 

**Boss Bitch:** Please tell me you’re not actually thinking of actually attacking 

**Pas Français, Putain:** When do I ever joke around, Kyoko? 

**Boss Bitch:** When you're drunk 

**Pas Français, Putain:** Hilarious 

**Was Right This Time:** i hate to break up this amazing interaction but we’ve gotta get the bus my guys 

**Bad Influence:** everyone run 

**Toko → Byakuya**  
8:58AM

 

**Toko:** Hey have you been feeling okay? 

**Byakuya:** What do you mean? 

**Toko:** You’ve been distant lately 

**Byakuya:** I’m always distant 

**Toko:** I mean that ever since we got outed you’ve been even more reluctant to do things 

**Byakuya:** I don’t think so  
We’ve gone out plenty of times together  
Even after Hina spoke about us 

**Toko:** I know that but just because you’re going places with me doesn’t mean you’ve been present  
Are you embarrassed of me or something?  
Is it because of her??? 

**Byakuya:** I’m not embarrassed of you  
And she has nothing to do with it 

**Toko:** That doesn’t sound very convincing 

**Byakuya:** This is not a conversation we should have over text  
Come with me after our delayed classes end and we’ll discuss this properly 

**Toko:** Sure 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based off of true events at my university. yeehaw stay safe kiddos


	15. ((Update 2))

Hey everyone! 

So sorry for the completely unannounced hiatus! College has been beating my brain to oblivion but with the holidays coming up I'll hopefully be able to upload soon :)   
Chapter 13 is in the works and almost complete! It'll be a bit shorter than the rest of the chapters but don't worry. Our angst will be here soon enough >:D 

 

Also, how would ya'll feel about making the 77th chat a regular occurrence? Writing 77 was really fun and I've been thinking about it for a hot minute so lmk what you guys think.


	16. Drama in the DMs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username Guide!
> 
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy   
> Sayaka Maizono - Makoto’s Mom  
> Mukuro Ikusaba -   
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk   
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™   
> Mondo Owada - Pastor Mondo  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru - Good Influence  
> Hifumi Yamada - Weeb Activist  
> Celestia Ludenberg - Pas Français, Putain  
> Sakura Ogami - Biggest Heart  
> Junko Enoshima - Bad Influence  
> Aoi Asahina -   
> Yasuhiro Hagakure - Was Right This Time  
> Toko Fukawa -   
> Byakuya Togami - Please Stop  
> Kyoko Kirigiri - Boss Bitch

****

**Aoi → Sakura  
Tuesday, 11:03AM**

**Aoi:** hey do you have a minute to talk?

 **Sakura:** Of course.  
Is there something wrong?

 **Aoi:** i dont know i just feel like somethings off ya know

 **Sakura:** How do you mean?

 **Aoi:** like  
I really have no clue  
I just feel like the air is weird around everyone 

**Sakura:** I’ve sensed nothing out of the ordinary.  
What brought this on?

 **Aoi:** I just feel bad for putting byakuya and toko on blast like that  
Like it wasnt my place to tell everyone about them 

**Sakura:** I understand your concern  
However they do not appear to be treating you differently 

**Aoi:** i know  
I just feel bad about it 

**Sakura:** Hina, dear  
I’m sure that any stress they may have had initially has passed  
If anything I’m sure they’re quite happy they don’t have to hide their relationship anymore 

**Aoi:** I guess  
But why hide it in the first place?

 **Sakura:** That I do not know the answer too  
It has racked my brain for a while now

 **Aoi:** oh well  
Theres nothing we can do about it now  
Maybe they were just shy or something

 **Sakura:** Perhaps  
I am afraid I must cut out conversation now. I have some free time before my test and I would like to brush up on my notes.

 **Aoi:** of course! Good luck! :)

 **Sakura:** Thank you 

 

****

**HPA Class 78  
12:30PM**

**Makoto’s Mom:** I’ve lost  
All my patience 

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Oh?

 **Pastor Mondo:** you good maizono?

 **Makoto’s Mom:** oh  
OH  
Mioda is on my last damn nerve right now 

**Pastor Mondo:** what did she do this time?

 **Makoto’s Mom:** oh my goddddd  
So im sitting at the table next to hers at lunch  
I hear her talking to pekoyama and tsumiki about the 79th class  
And they mention akamatsu  
And mioda  
MIODA STRAIGHT UP SAYS  
“Yeah i gotta make sure i meet her first cuz maizonos not gonna be a good influence on her”

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Are you kidding me?  
What logic is that?

 **Makoto’s Mom:** IM RIGHT NEXT TO HER  
OBVIOUSLY SHE KNEW I WOULD HEAR IT  
SHE DEFINITELY KNOWS I HEARD IT  
The pure NERVE of that girl

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** I hope you don’t mind my asking  
But why do you two dislike each other?

 **Pastor Mondo:** oh yeah what even happened?

 **Makoto’s Mom:** long story short she used to be in my idol group but we broke things off with her since her style of music is so different  
I was okay with her but the others were very annoyed  
I TRIED to give her the benefit of the doubt  
But clearly shes more bothered than i thought  
So yeah 

**Pastor Mondo:** ill never understand chick drama 

**Makoto’s Mom:** neither will girls tbh

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** that’s true  
So sayaka  
What are you going to do about Mioda?

**Makoto’s Mom: Honestly i have no idea  
She obviously wants to be childish about this so im not gonna chase her **

****

**Pastor Mondo:** tea  
But i dont take mioda as the kinda girl to just  
Do something too stupid without thinking  
Like a mean thing  
Thats what i mean 

****

**Makoto’s Mom:** No I dont think so either  
But then again shes literally making me out to be some kinda bitch 

****

**Pastor Mondo:** ive never heard you say bitch before 

****

**Makoto’s Mom:** i  
Im livid right now

****

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Do you want to talk about it later? I could meet you somewhere.

****

**Makoto’s Mom:** Actually yeah that would be great  
Thanks Mukuro 

****

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Of course 

****

****

**Kyoko → Celeste  
12:35PM**

****

**  
**

****

**Kyoko:** May I be blunt with you?

****

**Celeste:** Oh?  
Well I suppose you can.  
It is your nature after all, is it not?

****

**Kyoko:** The drinking  
Why?  
It’s unlike you 

****

**Celeste:** I was having the night to myself  
What is wrong with a little substance?

****

**Kyoko:** Two things  
You’re not of age  
And you were severely drunk afterwards

****

**Celeste:** I assure you it was all in good fun and things got out of hand  
Why are you concerned?

****

**Kyoko:** Like I said, this is unlike you

****

**Celeste:** Oh please  
I intoxicate myself once and everyone loses their collective brain cells  
I do not get why you all were so shocked  
It is not as big of a deal as you are making it out to be I assure you 

****

**Kyoko:** If you say so  
I won’t pester you any further 

****

 

****

****

****

**Leon → Mondo & Kiyotaka  
2:01PM**

****

**  
**

****

**Leon:** you guys busy after school

****

**Mondo:** nah im free

****

**Kiyotaka:** I also have some free time! 

****

**Leon:** aight cool  
You wanna get some food 

****

**Mondo:** yeah sure im down 

****

**Kiyotaka:** Of course, Kuwata! Happy to join! 

****

**Mondo:** whats the occasion?

****

**Leon:** eh i just wanted to spend time with you guys  
Catch up and stuff

****

**Mondo:** dude i sense somethings up whats going on 

****

**Kiyotaka:** I hope nothing is troubling you 

****

**Leon:** I uh  
Wanted to talk to you two about some stuff  
Id rather do it in person ya know?

****

**Kiyotaka:** Of course, Kuwata! We’re more than glad to assist

****

**Mondo:** yeah man anythin you need we got ya 

****

**Leon:** thanks  
Ill meet you guys at the bus stop after the last bell

****

**Mondo:** sounds good 

****

**Kiyotaka:** We’ll see you then!

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh it feels so good to update! I'll probably have more once finals season is over ^_^
> 
> Short chapter until the big stuff starts to happen. Givin' you guys a lil preview of what to expect in the future. Is it everything? Nope. But it's a good chunk. Start theorizing~


	17. Hiro might be onto something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Username Guide!!
> 
> Makoto Naegi - Egg Boy  
> Sayaka Maizono - Makoto’s Mom  
> Mukuro Ikusaba -  
> Leon Kuwata - Saliva Milk  
> Chihiro Fujisaki - ProHacker™  
> Mondo Owada - Pastor Mondo  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru - Good Influence  
> Hifumi Yamada - Weeb Activist  
> Celestia Ludenberg - Pas Français, Putain  
> Sakura Ogami - Biggest Heart  
> Junko Enoshima - Bad Influence  
> Aoi Asahina -  
> Yasuhiro Hagakure - Was Right This Time  
> Toko Fukawa -  
> Byakuya Togami - Please Stop  
> Kyoko Kirigiri - Boss Bitch

****

**Junko → Chihiro  
Wednesday, 9:02AM**

**Junko:** hey girl <3 

**Chihiro:** Hi! 

**Junko:** hate to do this so suddenly but i need a little favor 

**Chihiro:** Oh sure what do you need? 

**Junko:** ive been wondering if you could give me the programming to change usernames  
I remember you saying you had the ability to do that  
Even tho Kyoko usually handles that  
But you still can do it right?

 **Chihiro:** Oh yeah!  
It’s actually pretty easy believe it or not  
If you want I can show you in person  
It’d be much easier to explain it that way

 **Junko:** youre a doll  
Meet me in the library during lunch? 

**Chihiro:** Okay! 

 

****

**HPA Class 78  
10:50AM**

**Egg Boy:** Has anyone here ever touched Komaeda’s hair? 

**Was Right This Time:** O_O  
No sir

 **Weeb Activist:** It does look quite soft however I myself have never laid hands upon it 

**Was Right This Time:** why  
Makoto you okay bud? 

**Egg Boy:** I just passed him and ran his hand through his hair and i was like holy moly i wish my hair did that 

**Please Stop:** You could achieve that look if you had the right product 

**Weeb Activist:** What’s this? Mr. Togami offering advice? :3 

**Please Stop:** Please Stop  
Wait 

**Egg Boy:** HA 

**Weeb Activist:** He has finally done it

 **Please Stop:** Hush

 **Was Right This Time:** roll credits 

**Please Stop:** Anyways, no. I was not offering advice  
I was simply implying that Naegi will never achieve ~lush~ since this man has nothing in his pockets other than used toothpicks 

**Egg Boy:** D: 

**Was Right This Time:** Damn gotem 

**Toko Fukawa:** HAHAAAA  
Got em again toots 

**Weeb Activist:** Why did that scare me?

 **Toko Fukawa:** awww i scared ya huh?  
Whaddya gonna do  
Cry  
Piss your pants maybe? 

**Please Stop:** ← 

**Egg Boy:** hes learning to meme im so proud 

**Please Stop:** I am not participating in that buffoonery

 **Toko Fukawa:** Aw come on babe you get involved with all kinds of hanky panky ;) 

**Egg boy:** ew 

**Toko Fukawa:** oh come on  
Ew?  
What a fuckin pussy  
Like hes never seen a bit of intimacy before~ 

**Weeb Activist:** What a proclamation 

**Was Right This Time:** Dude  
Ive been meanin to bring this up for a while but like  
What is up with you?

**Toko Fukawa:** watcha talkin about  
Huffy is always like that 

********

**Weeb Activist:** Is she referring to me?

********

**Was Right This Time:** nah i mean toko  
Like every once in a while shell start talkin all crazy then acts like nothin happened 

********

**Please Stop:** I assure you, you’re being delusional as always 

********

**Toko Fukawa:** awww im hurt :(  
Im always like this baby  
I am sexy and sensual and grief stricken 

********

**Please Stop:** I’m with her right now. She’s just a bit off  
Right, Toko? 

********

**Toko Fukawa:** ohhh yeahhh  
Im all good :P 

********

**Egg Boy:** are you sure about that? 

********

**Toko Fukawa:** Yep ^_^

********

**Please Stop:** Everything is fine 

********

**Weeb Activist:** Ms. Fukawa never uses those faces  
Methinks something is up 

********

**Please Stop:** Once again  
Look at my username  
And please stop 

********

**Was Right This Time:** whatever you say man  
The spirits are speaking to me and i havent been wrong yet 

********

**Please Stop:** You were right once, you buffoon 

********

**Was Right This Time:** ive been right plenty of times togami 

********

**Egg Boy:** uhh guys 

********

**Please Stop:** Name one time you were correct on your ridiculous assumptions other than the time you were right about Mondo and Taka  
Which, mind you, wasn’t even your own opinion 

********

**Was Right This Time:** my clairvoyance isnt a joke man  
I didnt get here for no reason 

********

**Please Stop:** Of course not. That’s why you’re a 21 year old in your freshman year of high school  
You’ve been so successful  
Why wouldn’t you be correct in your assumptions about a woman you haven’t even known for a full year yet 

********

**Was Right This Time:** you really think youre hot shit huh togami?  
Just cuz your family is rich  
Money doesnt mean shit if you dont have a heart and youre bein real cruel right now 

********

**Please Stop:** Don’t over exaggerate the situation  
I’m simply stating facts  
Bringing up my family in this argument serves no purpose  
Don’t be sensitive, Hiro 

********

**Was Right This Time:** Dude i think i have the right to be mad when youre calling me a dumbass

********

**Please Stop:** When has that word come out of my mouth? 

********

**Egg Boy:** g u y s 

********

**Was Right This Time:** youre literally calling me dumb and unceccessful  
Youre not using those words but thats what youre saying man 

********

**Please Stop:** And coming for my family’s earnings is your response?  
Childish 

********

**Egg Boy:** _@Boss Bitch_ Kiri help

********

**Boss Bitch: **On it****

************ ** **

**_Boss Bitch has muted Please Stop and Was Right This Time for 1 hour_ **

************ ** **

**Egg Boy:** thank you 

************ ** **

**Boss Bitch:** Not a problem  
That was getting out of hand

************ ** **

**Weeb Activist:** They were making my heart rate increase  
In a bad way 

************ ** **

**Boss Bitch:** They’ll cool down soon enough  
Worst case scenario I’ll mute them again 

************ ** **

**Egg Boy:** Im just gonna go to the study hall  
Or outside  
I gotta breathe after all that 

************ ** **

**Weeb Activist:** Might I join you? 

************ ** **

**Egg Boy:** zoom on over 

************ ** **

**Weeb Activist:** Mr. Naegi I am not running 

************ ** **

 

************ ** **

****

************

********** **

**HPA Class 78  
12:00PM**

********** **

**  
**  
**   
**

************ ** **

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Does anyone have nylon?

************ ** **

**Aoi Asahina:** …..what?

************ ** **

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Like a nylon cloth 

************ ** **

**Aoi Asahina:** what in the doodah is that 

************ ** **

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** I need it to clean my guns but I think Pekoyama might have taken them 

************ ** **

**Pro Hacker™:** That sounds suspicious 

************ ** **

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Not really  
I mean Pekoyama works with the Kuzuryu Clan  
And they handle guns  
So it wouldn’t surprise me 

************ ** **

**Aoi Asahina:** O_O  
Lord have mercy 

************ ** **

**Pro Hacker™:** But why would they need the cleaners unless…  
._.

************ ** **

**Aoi Asahina:** what are you implying..?

************ ** **

**Pro Hacker™:** oh nothing  
._.

************ ** **

**Mukuro Ikusaba:** I highly doubt that they would resume their former tactics  
Especially after the recent change in strategy that Fuyuhiko called  
However if it’s what I’m thinking there is a chance that it will be called upon  
Technically I’m not at liberty to say, however it is a small chance

************ ** **

**Aoi Asahina:** oh boy 

**************** ** ** ** **

****

********************

********** **

**Mondo → Leon  
12:04PM**

********** **

**  
**  
**   
**

**************** ** ** ** **

**Mondo:** yo leon how ya fellin

**************** ** ** ** **

**Leon:** about what

**************** ** ** ** **

**Mondo:** bro  
come on  
you know what i mean 

**************** ** ** ** **

**Leon:** oh when we talked yesterday  
yeah im alright  
I just needed to get that shit off my chest ya feel  
and i think that talking to you and taka helped  
it got me into perspective ya know

**************** ** ** ** **

**Mondo:** yeah its no issue for us  
are you gonna bring it up

**************** ** ** ** **

**Leon:** fuck no

**************** ** ** ** **

**Mondo:** dude  
you still scared 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Leon:** im not scared theres just no reason to 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Mondo:** from the way you were talkin yesterday it seemed like you really wanted to say somethin

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Leon:** if i get a sign to say somethin then ill say somethin 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Mondo:** alright im not gonna force ya  
just let us know if you need anything else alright 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Leon:** i will  
thanks man i really appriciate it 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Mondo:** anytime bro 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

****

************************

********** **

**Hajime’s Hell Hole  
1:23PM**

********** **

**  
**  
**   
**

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Hiyoko:** im starting a silent war with Enoshima  
And you all are my soldiers  
_@everyone_

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Gundham:** HAHAHAHAAAA  
I say this could be the beginning of a spectacular feat!  
Tell me...  
What would this war entail? 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Hiyoko:** im gonna start making my pigtails bigger than hers and see if she notices  
And if she doesnt notice by like  
Wednesday  
Shit todays wednesday  
Next wednesday  
Then im gonna steal shit from her 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Akane:** what are you gonna steal from her

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Hiyoko:** _@Fuyuhiko_ gimme ideas 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Fuyuhiko:** the fuck  
why me 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Hiyoko:** cuz you start shit all the time and i can get peko to steal it for me 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Peko:** I will do no such thing

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Hiyoko:** ill pay you 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Peko:** How much?

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Fuyuhiko:** PEKO?!

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Hiyoko:** like  
2 bucks 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Peko:** I was already going to say no  
I just wanted to see how much you would be willing to pay  
Disappointing 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Akane:** oh shit 

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Hiyoko:** oh whatever four eyes  
Mikan will do it for free  
_@Mikan_

****************** ** ** ** ** **

**Mikan:** WHAT???  
I DONT WANNA STEAL  
ESPECIALLY NOT FROM ENOSHIMA 

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Hiyoko:** arent you two like  
Close tho?

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Mikan:** Close?

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Hiyoko:** yeah like i see you two hanging out sometimes at lunch and stuff

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**TeruTeru:** oh hohohooooo whats this?  
Is this what I’m hoping it is?  
*wink wink*

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Mikan:** Shut up TeruTeru

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Soda:** WOAHHHHH SHITTTTT

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Akane:** she just told you

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**TeruTeru:** Well  
I’ve been wounded  
Alright I’m gonna go meet Yamada in the library 

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Fuyuhiko:** of course you two hang out 

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**TeruTeru:** He understands  
Is he my favorite person?  
No  
Does he get it?  
Yes 

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Fuyuhiko:** ew 

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**TeruTeru:** Shut up 

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Fuyuhiko:** the fuck did you say to me mario?  
_@Peko_ get em

********************** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Peko:** Already on it 

************************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**TeruTeru:** NONONONONONONONOONONO 

****************************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Hiyoko:** p e r i s h 

********************************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

 

********************************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

****

********************************************************

********** **

**HPA Class 78  
2:38PM**

********** **

**  
**  
**   
**

********************************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Good Influence:** ATTENTION CLASSMATES _@everyone_  
THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER  
THIS IS NOT A DRILL  
EVERYONE FRONT AND CENTER

********************************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Egg Boy:** oh lord oh jesus what happened  
Are we dying?

********************************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Saliva Milk:** this is it  
We are now toast  
Makoto its been great knowing you 

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**Egg Boy:** stop im gonna cry 

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**Biggest Heart:** We are not falling to a demise I assure you 

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**Weeb Activist:** Yes but if Mr. Ishimaru is calling our attention like this (in all caps no less) we are going to be in some big trouble 

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**Please Stop:** Hopefully you will be the first to fall so I can make my escape 

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**Weeb Activist:** Bold of you to assume we can’t use you as a shield 

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**Pro Hacker™:** oh shoot kahoot we’re gonna explode 

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**Aoi Asahina:** oh my god no im not ready yet  
what is happening 

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**Toko Fukawa:** What's happening?  
I don’t wanna die 

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**Saliva Milk:** Byak  
Assure your gf she wont die 

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**Please Stop:** Hush, peasant 

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**Saliva Milk:** Meanie 

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**Biggest Heart:** I must admit that Taka’s sudden alertness towards us is making me feel weary 

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**Pastor Mondo:** ok if sakuras scared that means were dead 

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**Pas Français, Putain:** Oh don’t be so dramatic 

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**Was Right This Time:** the spirits are detecting some BULLSHIT is about to go down 

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**Pas Français, Putain:** Yes we will be alright 

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**Boss Bitch:** Someone please explain why my phone is about to explode on impact? 

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**Was Right This Time:** scroll up 

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**Boss Bitch:** I see 

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**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Oh  
This looks fun 

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**Saliva Milk:** that better be sarcasm cuz we finna die today 

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**Pro Hacker™:** The fact that he hasn’t said anything since @ ing us is making me nervous 

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**Bad Influence:** I’m excited 

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**Pastor Mondo:** the fuck is wrong with you  
fuckin psycho 

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**Makoto’s Mom:** oh no this is the end  
Makoto  
Its been an honor being your mom 

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**Bad Influence:** TAKA LAY DOWN THE SHIT ALREADY JESUS 

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**Good Influence:** IS EVERYONE PRESENT  
GOOD  
ALRIGHT  
THIS IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE SO LISTEN UP  
…  
…  
…  
…  
…  
…  
…  
#BabyNut

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**Bad Influence:** you are  
kidding me  
WHAT THE FUCK TAKA

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**Pastor Mondo:** im so proud right now 

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**Please Stop:** Thank you for wasting my time 

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**Weeb Activist:** I-

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**Boss Bitch:** What in the world is baby nut 

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**Egg Boy:** YOU DONT KNOW BABY NUT 

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**Boss Bitch:** I do now nor do I wish to know about a baby nut 

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**Pro Hacker™:** I think Taka finally learned how to meme

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T **oko Fukawa:** He really kept us in complete anxiety for that?  
Wow. Thanks 

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**Saliva Milk:** im still recovering from hysterical laughter  
all rise before the baby nut  
for he is all holy 

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**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Are Kyoko and I the only ones who are confused? 

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**Pas Françias, Putain:** I also have no idea what the buffonary is 

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**Aoi Asahina:** ITS BABY NUT  
FROM THE SUPERBOWL  
THEY KILLED MR PEANUT AND HE WAS REINCARNATED AS A BABY  
THEREFORE  
BABY NUT

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**Biggest Heart:** Indeed. Hina was very excited about that commercial 

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**Please Stop:** Ridiculous  
Nothing but childish nonsense 

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**Pro Hacker™:** But it’s really cute! 

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**Mukuro Ikusaba:** Pics or it didn’t happen 

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**Was Right This Time:** [Baby Nut](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YToUTkP5R_0)  


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**Mukuro Ikusaba:** That was quick

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**Was Right This Time:** its literally my default browser page now 

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**Toko Fukawa:** You are literally twelve

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**Was Right This Time:** and youre literally boring 

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**Toko Fukawa:** Jeez no need to get all defensive 

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**Pas Françias, Putain:** I suppose the vulgar, quick wit was a short lived trait  
How cute that she has nothing to say now 

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**Bad Influence:** oop-

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**Toko Fukawa:** Oh whatever I don’t care what you have to say 

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**Bad Influence:** o o p 

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**Egg Boy:** oh boy  
_@Good Influence_ that was a great rally  
10/10

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**Good Influence:** Thank you, Naegi!  
I’ve been seeing the memes online and decided it would be a good joke  
Did I do it right? 

************************************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Weeb Activist:** Considering you couldn’t even join our past cringe sing-a-long fest back then I’d give this performance 5 stars, Mr. Ishimaru 

************************************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

**Good Influence:** I’m glad!  
I say we celebrate!  
_@everyone_ Dinner tonight on me! 

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**Makoto’s Mom:** aw youre too sweet  
thank you! 

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**Pastor Mondo:** this man will pay for your entire tuition if he could 

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**Pro Hacker™:** If only it were that easy

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**Egg Boy:** ditto 

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**Good Activist:** Nonsense, it would be the lease I can do for all of you.  
Is everyone good to join? 

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**Makoto’s Mom:** Yep! 

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**Mukuro Ikusaba:** I don’t see why not 

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**Saliva Milk:** hell yeah man 

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**Pro Hacker™:** I’ll be there! 

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**Pastor Mondo:** count me in 

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**Weeb Activist:** I shall be joining as well! 

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**Pas Françias Putain:** I suppose there’s no harm in going 

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**Biggest Heart:** I can join as well 

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**Bad Influence:** As long as I can stuff my face with everything you better believe ill be there

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**Egg Boy:** ^ mood  
yes im in 

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**Boss Bitch:** Sure

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**Aoi Asahina:** Yeah!! 

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**Was Right This Time:** for sure

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**Please Stop:** Fine

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**Toko Fukawa:** ^^

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**Saliva Milk:** whipped

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**Toko Fukawa:** shh

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**Good Influence:** Wonderful! I’ll send over the address once I’m sure I can get a reservation. I look forward to this!

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hand shakily rises out of grave*   
> im still here lovelies and the plot pot is heating up ;)


End file.
